Friday, January 22, 2010

If, Then

If you are my coworker, then we’re probably going to fight today.

If tonight’s plans with The Groomsman fall through, then I will likely fall into a heap on my bed and cry myself to sleep. (Because I am overly tired, not because I’m psycho.)

If you were the stack of book by my bed, then you would consist of: South of Broad, Last Night at Twisted River and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

If you’re my high school frienemy Heather, then you picked a really crappy weekend for your weekend (hello! It is U.S. Nationals and the Olympic team is going to be selected! I should be parked in front of the television!).

If I was smart, then I would delete all emails from Kate Spade prior to opening.

If I have any chance of staying sane, then I need to get a new job.

If you think that, because I joined the Facebook group that it means that I’m actually planning on attending our 10-year high school reunion, then you’re sadly mistaken.

If I want to feel even more sure that The Groomsman is someone special and decent and such an incredibly huge upgrade and definitely more along the lines of someone who I both respect and deserve, then I will keep reading my blog archives, especially circa December 2007. Seriously, Colin, you are the biggest fuckwad ever.

If Lucy comes as my “date” to Heather’s wedding, then we’re going to have a ridiculously amazing evening of dancing and hilarity.

If Lucy doesn’t end up going to Heather’s wedding, then I’ll be perfectly fine and look hot in my red dress and enjoy the company of everyone else at my table.

If Ashley’s move to North Carolina results in our drifting apart, then I will be sad. But definitely not surprised. It is happening already, I think, and it is hard to stop the momentum.

If I go ahead and order this silly, funny picture of The Groomsman and me from Bridezilla’s wedding – the day (oh, I guess it is technically the day after) we met, then we better not crash and burn before I receive it. Because the photo is from the photographer, thus wildly overpriced.

If we’re being honest, then there are no guarantees in life. (Not even with The Groomsman, unfortunately. Even if he is exponentially more awesome than Colin. I can’t let myself get too involved, too invested, too certain of that. I do not react well to unpleasant surprises.)

If you think I'm being pessimistic, then you're quite observant.

4 comments:

kristin said...

shoot i vote you just visit ashley in north carolina and i'll come up from south carolina and meet you and we'll have a hell of a time!

Anonymous said...

Loved the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo! I actually just finished the 3rd book (sent direct from Sweden!). So good.

I wouldn't think of it as pessimistic. Maybe just realistic.

my life is brilliant said...

If you visit Ashley in NC, then I'll drive down from VA to meet you!

Also, ER (my best friend) and I were starting to drift apart for a while, and then she actually moved 7 hours away. Once she moved, we got better about staying in touch again simply because we had to. It wasn't like she was just up the street anymore for me to catch up with whenever we both had free time.

Our friendship is just fine now. :) I think speed bumps just happen sometimes with all relationships that last a long time.

Bill Robertson said...

the girl with the dragon tattoo is an excellent book. so is the 2nd book, the girl who played with fire. i haven't been able to get the 3rd book yet. it's being released in the u.s. till 5/25.

 
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