Monday, January 18, 2010

Crazy. Not. Crazy. Not.

I am all over the map.

When it comes to The Groomsman, I am so all over the map.

Sometimes, I am calm. I’m all “oh, I am dating someone casually. He is lovely and we’ll see where it goes.”

Other times, I am giddy. And, while I want to jump up and down and squeal, I hold it together and just walk around with a goofy smile on my face.

I can be paranoid. I don’t hear from him, or maybe he doesn’t return a text. So I am forced to spend the next four hours reviewing everything that we said or did in our last interaction, as I attempt to determine my dating faux pas that forced him to immediately cease all contact with me.

Sometimes, I am assertive. I make the first call. I send the “what do you have going on this week?” text message. I stop caring – for two damn seconds – about playing the game and I just do what I want to do. Which, strangely, has worked out in my advantage. I sort of doubt that we would have ever made it to the first date, let alone this far, if I hadn’t initiated it. (Is that a bad sign?)

For the most part, I’m playing this fairly cool. Cool for me, anyway. Which would be neurotic for a lot of people. But we’re ranking me against me, okay? I am capable of much worse!

I still have The Crazy. But The Groomsman doesn’t bring out as much of The Crazy as Colin or The Athlete did because – drum roll, please! – he isn’t a huge douchebag. (Hurray!)

(At least he isn’t yet. I feel like I should qualify statements like that, because I’m afraid that, without a healthy dose of doubt and cynicism, he is going to turn out like all of the others and this is all going to come back and bite me in the ass.)

* * *

Seriously, though. Indulge The Crazy for just a moment, okay? (The volume of The Crazy has been turned down, but it is sure as hell still ringing in my ear.)

We had so much fun on Thursday and then I really didn’t hear from him all weekend. What the hell? Is he just trying to keep things from getting too serious too fast? Does he not want me tagging along with him and his friends? Am I really obnoxious? Is my hair too short? Is he so shy that I have to make it painfully. clear. that I am:
a. available
b. waiting for him to invite me to do something
every. damn. time?

* * *

OMG. What if I’m still with him at Valentine’s Day? How will I know what to buy him? This is way too hard.

* * *

In conclusion: I just wrote all about how not crazy I am. And then followed it up with three paragraphs displaying The Crazy.

If I had any brains, I would censor myself better.

Oh, how loveable and insane I am.


Kari said...

You are not crazy -- these are perfectly normal thoughts!
My take on this -- the groomsman is shy and knows how crazy busy you are. He may have been burned bad in the past -- think as he becomes more comfortable around you, he will be more apt to initiating things -- I think he may be a little intimidated by you (no it's not anything you've done -- you just are very accomplished and you manage to hide your fears well from the non blogging world).
I say give hima call/text ,etc to plan the next date. Once you know him better (and he knows you better) -- he will likely start things more...
I think this one is a keeper...

Anonymous said...

I agree with K in the fact that you are a very busy person and there is nothing wrong with that but I could see how that would be intimidating. Give it some time as far as that goes. I will say that I had The Crazy too when I first met Rob but once you get more established as a couple or where you are headed, this will diminish.

Stace said...

valentines is overrated-get him a card! :) Or at least that's what I'd want.
p.s I love how you write, and I know how you feel. . .had I had a relationship to feel like that about. but I am totally happy for you. I'll live through you for awhile. Keep it up!

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