Monday, October 26, 2009

Sleepy and Sad

I thought, on Friday and Saturday, that I might be getting over the hump in terms of getting used to my new (insane) schedule. Thursday morning was an epic battle to keep my eyes open; I was quite relieved when Friday and Saturday mornings met me with a little more energy and much less of a struggle.

But, judging by how hard it was to lift my head off of the pillow this morning, I’d say that my temporary boost of energy was more due to adrenaline – worrying about my cousin Danielle – than anything.

Update on Danielle: my aunt bailed her out of jail, despite my mom strongly believing that their best bet was to leave her there, safe and uncomfortable, until they got to California. Somewhat surprisingly, they were able to find Danielle when they got into town. My mom says that she’s completely different. Very angry. She goes to court this morning. My mom, aunt and uncle will fly home tomorrow. Without Danielle. And, basically, without accomplishing anything. She doesn’t want help. She isn’t ready for help.

It is a shitty situation.

The worst part about it, for me, is the realization that it is very unlikely that Danielle will ever again be the Danielle I knew before her mental illness. The cousin who I didn’t see often but loved to death. Every second I spent with Danielle was fun. Every time she came home it was a treat.

It is almost as though a member of my family has died.

It feels awful.


Anonymous said...

I can completely understand where you are at and yes, it is just awful. You and your family are in my thoughts. It's not easy.

Accidentally Me said...

Hey sugar:-) Haven't chatted in a while, and wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and your cousin and wishing my hardest that it will turn out ok. I think your instincts are completely right...she can't be helped without wanting it, and trying to force her to see that is a waste of time. Keep your chin up, and be willing to help if she is willing to accept it, and that is about all you can do.

I will try and catch you on gchat soon to say Hi. And for chrissakes...don't run yourself so ragged!!!

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