Monday, May 18, 2009

Get away

Colin was in my dream last night.

While I cannot remember the dream in detail, I know that I wasn't with him. We weren't together. Our situation was not fixed, better, forgotten. He was still the asshole. I was still jaded.

How long do you hold onto this stuff?

When can I eradicate this kid from my subconscious?

I am sure it has something to do with soccer season starting. While last year I was bold enough to send him an email that went something like: DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT REFEREEING ONE OF MY GAMES, this year I'm leaving it up to chance.

Does he really need to know how much it would bother me if he reffed one of my games? Does he really need to have the slightest hint of how much the simple thought of him enrages me?

I don't really need that twit convincing himself that I'm still in love with him. I don't feel the need to boost his ego by acknowledging his existence.

And that fucker certainly doesn't need to know that he is still occasionally popping up in my dreams.

Sometimes, though. Sometimes I just want to call him. Say hi. Meet him for a drink.


Accidentally Me said...

It doesn't sound like you are ready to meet him for a drink yet...there are too many left over feelings.

If you see him, just be pleasant, smile and wave or say hi...but that is it. No need to talk or catch up or be overly friendly. If he happens to be at one of your games, then try to acknowledge him early on so it isn't hanging over your head, but don't actually talk to him.

my life is brilliant said...

I agree with Accidentally Me. Great advice.

If it makes you feel better, I just had a dream a couple days ago about my first love. Who I dated in high school. I was 17 when we broke up. It was just over 8 years ago.

I just realized it was JUST over 8 years ago. I think that might be part of it -- the back of my mind remembering something traumatic that happened once this time of year.

Maybe your brain is doing the same thing.

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