Saturday, February 28, 2009


Tonight I decided this.

I want to be one of those little old ladies at the UM hockey/football/basketball games. Who wears her maize and blue sweaters. Who is at every game, sitting next to her wrinkly husband.

That is what I want. A husband and the ability to watch sporting events when I'm old. That's it.

Okay. It isn't it. But it would be a nice start.

Friday, February 27, 2009

On my plate

What I want to do this weekend:
Watch the last 4 or 5 episodes of Gossip Girl
Read more of that ungodly hilarious book by Tucker Max
Take Blue on a date with Lucy’s dog
See a movie with Meg
Sleep in past 8 am at least once
Research/find lodging for my trip South Africa
Go out to dinner
Spend my Borders coupon on a Johannesburg map. Or maybe a book.

What I have to do this weekend:
Study for the exam I have on Monday
Do the short assignment I have due on Monday
Get my passport photo taken
Fill out my passport application
Spend two hours at a stupid career thingie sponsored by my program
Stop looking for rentals in my current (cute, fun, not-that-close-to-work) town because it doesn’t make sense and will only make me sad in the long run
Drive my parents to the airport

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

If only I had someone to buy this for

Note to self.
1. Get boyfriend/husband/amazing pet/adopted child.
2. Purchase this:

Via Etsy.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Everyone thought we'd end up married

This boy I went to high school with – Jason – I think that he will be the boy who I always measure up the rest of them to.

We moved into the district during the same year. His brother and my sister were in the same grade. We lived near one another. Our birthdays are a month apart.

He was a good friend. And he was a flirt. And I was always so in love with him. And he was always right there. He suggested, once, in a not-so-joking way that we go make out in his bedroom. I took his not-so-joking as more joking than not (being 16 and exceptionally naïve) and I’ve always wondered how things would be different if I hadn’t turned him down. If I hadn’t been so scared.

Because we were nothing alike. I didn’t measure up to him, socially. He was the captain of the football team. Good looking. Smart and funny. Popular as hell. And I did okay. But I wonder how many people from high school remember anything about me other than that I played soccer. Everyone remembers him. I’m sure of it.

Our differences, socially, was exactly what made me admire him. Adore him. Worship him. That we weren’t “supposed” to hang out. That he wasn’t “supposed” to acknowledge my existence. That we “couldn’t” be friends (and definitely not anything more). And he didn’t care.

We went to college together. Didn’t hang out. He transferred out and transferred back. Some things went on with his family, I’ve heard. He moved to the west coast. I haven’t spoken with him or seen him since just before college graduation.’s going on 5 years.

I friended him on Facebook yesterday. So I’ve been thinking about him today. Hoping that he’s still as good of a guy now as he was back then.

How to feel better about life:

Have a dream about The Athlete.

He'll be home sooner than later.

He has a girlfriend in Europe.

And right now, that is neither here nor there.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Losing it

Have felt so out of control the last few days. Tired but unable to sleep. Emotions fall on either side of the spectrum, but nowhere in the middle. Everything is a big, stressful deal. I just can't cope.

I think I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.


That's all the evidence you need.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

I am not this person

Hello. I am blogging from my cloud of misery. I have been sitting inside it for nearly 36 hours now. It is so glorious.

Oh, how I love being in a state of perpetual anger. It's so fun! My favorite part is the headache. And also the complete lack of desire to do anything except stew in my bitterness.

I thought I was okay. After the initial shock and anger wore off, I thought that I was good. But now that the moving process has started? I'm back to where I began. Enraged. With a side of bitter.

I thought that I could be a bigger person, keep a polite distance and move on. It isn't working. I stormed around, being in the house with Anna on Saturday, and it bled into my Saturday night and into my Sunday.

Being angry didn't do anything. It didn't fix anything. She's still moving. I'm still without a place to live. I'm still overcome with schoolwork and work-work and the timing still fucking blows.

I don't want to be this pissed. I want to ask Anna about her move without the rage bubbling up in me. I want to feel excited for her.

But all I can feel is angry. Angry because she did this in the first place. Pissed because she can't even figure out why I'm so mad. Angry because she won't ask me. Angry because I'm too timid to back her into the corner and tell her.

I am not this person. I am better than this.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I am not feeling very nice.

This is coming from someone who won her figure skating competition this morning. If I had finished in last place, I'd likely be on a murderous rampage.

Some of the high bitch factor comes from the fact that I had to get up at 5:10 this morning.

Some of the high bitch factor comes from the fact that I went to the grocery store to pick up cheese Pizza Rolls rolls to go with Colleen's birthday dinner (we're not lameasses - she just loves them) and they were all out. And the only f'ing reason I went to the grocery store is because Anna ate mine.

Speaking of fucking Anna. I come home and I'm like "Lucy and Colleen are coming over for dinner, FYI." And she's like "I'm painting the dining room. Right now."



And then there's Colleen, our sweet birthday girl. Who absolutely cannot leave well enough alone. Seriously, girl, you know we have a surprise planned for you. So stop inviting other people to come out with us. We're going to the theater! We don't have tickets! And, quite frankly? The two girls who you keep trying to get included are fucking annoying and I really don't want to be around them. (Lucy feels the same way.) I know that they "really want to celebrate" your birthday with you. And that is so absolutely fine. Do it another damn time. I don't even like these girls. And if they can't get their shit together enough to take you out to dinner or for drinks on your birthday, they don't like you.

Oh. And here's a hint. Don't precede speaking about either of these girls with
"I know that you really like her - she's just like us!" Because I. Don't. Have. Anything. In. Common. With. Those. Girls.

I think I'm going to take a nap. (With my gold medal, maybe?) Hopefully I'll wake up with an attitude adjustment.

Friday, February 20, 2009

It all comes down to one thing

A mindless and tedious task took up my entire workday.

I just set my alarm for 5:00 am. And tomorrow is a damn Saturday.

I compete tomorrow and I didn't skate very well at my last-ditch effort of a practice this evening.

My bed was warm and I had to leave it hours before I wanted to.

I had to get gas.

I failed to find Sour Patch Watermelons at the store.

And it was a great day.

The application period for the ticket drawing for the 2010 World Cup opened today.

Words do not express how exceptionally. f'ing. thrilled. I am to have this opportunity to win a lotto that will grant me the privilege of dropping $80-$120 on soccer tickets.

No, seriously. I really am. Wheeeee, South Africa 2010!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I'm all fired up (in a good way)

Feeling easily excitable today. About anything. About everything. Including:

1. Dave Matthews has a Twitter account!
2. The 2010 World Cup ticketing process begins on Friday.
3. Less than an hour left in my workday.
4. Tomorrow is Thursday, which means Grey's Anatomy and my first trip to the gym in 10 or 12 days.
5. I'm seeing RENT at the opera house on Saturday night.
6. I had time to eat lunch at work today. Sure, it was in my car while taking work-related business to the bank, but I got some food in me. Glorious.
7. Have made some progress on the apartment hunting.
8. My dad's BFF/my accountant is working on my taxes today and it sounds like I'll be getting a fat check back from Uncle Sam. Wheeee!
9. After more than a few days of struggling to keep my head above water, work is returning to managable insanity.
10. Lucy and I are buying Colleen a really fun birthday present. And giving it to her in a really fun way.
11. My Asshole Coworker tried to throw me under the bus today and it so backfired in a really public fashion.
12. Blogging. Because I have something to blog about that isn't a bitch, a complaint or just plain boring.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Always the (sucker) bridesmaid

Snippets from the rapid-fire emails from The Bride Who I'm Not Really Friends With:

"Bridesmaids hair will be worn in Updos. Nails are to be french manicures or clear polish only please."

I'm wearing black polish. Chipped.

"I need to know if you want your hair, make-up or manicure done at the Salon. If you do not plan on attending the Salon please let me know your intentions and how you will plan to take care of your hair, manicures and make-up. Bridesmaid Basics $79 includes: Updo, Manicure or Make-up"

As far as I'm concerned? Ponytails are updos and also FREE!

"Also, I'll need help putting favors in boxes, tying ribbons and tags on shower favors, stuffing hotel guest bags etc. I thought it would be nice to have our bridesmaids luncheon then head over to my fiancé's condo (he's cool with vacating for the weekend) to watch wedding themed movies, enjoy each others company while we put together favors."

Enjoy? Good God.

"I called the botique that the dresses were ordered from) to give them the 2 shoes I've picked for you. This shoe is very nice, has a little rhinestone detail on the front and comes in 2 heel heights. It is made by Dyeables. We are ordering the shoe in Silver. If you could please call them with your shoe size that would be appreciated. The shoes will take several months to come in. The shoe is $66.78 with tax."


"Could you please give me your height in feet? I'm looking at bridesmaids shoes that have 2 options for heel height. Also, we are seeing who to pair up with who in the bridal party."

Blah, blah, blah.

This is what I get for agreeing to being in a wedding for a girl who I don't even know.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Return of Reality

My weekend was so. much. fun.

I needed a weekend like that. Where I didn't quite give a shit about my homework. Where I wasn't cleaning the house like a madwoman before having people over so that we could go to the bar, stay up too late and I could clean up after everyone the next morning. Where I just had fun. Simple fun. Go to bed early fun.

I needed that hockey tournament.

Even if we tragically lost in the finals. In overtime.

(I'm the goalie. It hurt.)

I needed the weekend to get through this week. It's started off a doozy. My nemesis coworker all up in my shit. Scrambling. Customers calling and calling and calling. (Nobody too unpleasant, shockingly enough). My boss very understanding of my predicament but not shy to bother me about doing this. And that. And that and that and that. Which he thinks is okay as long as he precedes his requests with "I know you're very busy."

A crazy weekend.
A crazy week.

I don't know why I'm surprised.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

How I Spent My Valentine's Day

My hockey team is playing in a tournament in Canada this weekend.

Our first game was on Friday night. I went straight from work, played in the game, and drove back home. I got home and collapsed.

Our game on Saturday morning was at 9:15. Which meant a 6 am wake up call, a stop for gas, a stop for cash, a drive over the bridge and a 2-1 victory.

After the game? Back to the states. I had a lesson scheduled with my skating coach that I reallyreally didn't want to cancel. I skated for an hour (and skated well, thankfully) and then I jumped back in the car. Drove back to the bridge. Headed back to the arena. And played in another game.

My sister's team is playing in the same tournament (in a different, much higher division) so I had dinner with her before driving back home for the night.

We made the finals.

I'm driving back today for a game at 1:15.

Oh, and we have a league game at 8:00 tonight. This shit is ridiculous. I am insane.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Misunderstanding (but no missing)

I was on the phone with my mom.

"...and next Saturday, we're going out for Colleen's birthday..."

"For Colin's birthday?" I could hear surprise beneath her nonchalant tone.

"Colleen. It's Colleen's birthday."

And nothing more was said.

I never really told my parents that I was dating Colin. And I never really told them that I wasn't. They figured it out, I assume. That we were always hanging out. And now we're not.

While I miss playing soccer this winter, it has been good for me. It's nice not to fear seeing him every. single. Friday. Well, it is more than nice, really. It's been a big fuckin' relief.

I'm still going to email him in the spring and remind him that I don't want him refereeing any of my soccer games.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Am so excited

I've documented my fondness for the hugs and kisses before.

And then there was that tattoo.

Today's big purchase was a vinyl decal from Etsy's Tasty Suite for my new apartment. (Wherever that may be.)

If I must move, I'm going to do my damnedest to make it feel like home.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Apartment searching sucks

OMG. Hate. Hate and rage.

I haven’t actually started apartment searching in that I haven’t, like, gone somewhere and listened to the spiel and handed over my driver’s license (how much do I hate that I have to do that? HateHATE) and looked in empty closets while pretending to be excited. But I think I might try to look at somewhere tomorrow. And it will totally be lame.

I’m doing my research. Endlessly clicking around the vast internet universe. Why is it that apartments either don’t have a website or don’t bother to get it to prominently display among the frickin’ hundreds of suckass apartment search sites?

My dad has me paranoid. I was targeting an apartment complex – there are quite a few – within a few miles of my office. Why bother with a commute? “Don’t life in This Particular Apartments,” he tells me, “it’s a bad place. There is crime and even murder there.”

Seriously? Murder? I think I would’ve heard if there were murders in the apartment complex that sits two miles from my office. And, while I hadn’t looked into apartments at that complex, I had looked at the one next door. How can crime and murder be an epidemic that is contained by the parking lot that separates the two complexes? As a result, I’m paranoid. And very well may make my dad go apartment hunting with me.

I’m pretty sure he’s full of shit.

There’s part of me that thinks it would just be easier to move home. Throw my shit in storage and worry about where to move after I graduate, after I get a new job.

And there’s part of me that knows that, while graduation will occur in May, the new job thing very well could be a long way off and I don’t really need to be moving home for an extended period of time. Or at all. I’m 26. There really isn’t anything okay about moving home at the age of 26.

I don’t know why I’m even worrying about this. Am I premature? Anna moves at the beginning of March and she hasn’t bothered to pack one thing. Or to put out the “for rent” sign that our landlord asked her to put in the yard (I did it because apparently she didn’t have 15 seconds of spare time over the course of a week). Or to do much of anything except trash the house on Saturday night and eat my Pizza Rolls. Does she know something that I don’t?

I’m guessing not.

A wise person wouldn’t eat my Pizza Rolls.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Grand Plans

Lucy, Colleen and I? We're always up to something. Always planning. Always mapping our next move. Forever looking forward.

Sometimes it is just a few weeks - last week Lucy and I planned out Colleen's late-February birthday celebration (dinner at my house, RENT at one of the theaters downtown and drinks after).

Other times we schedule a few months in advance --
-Our last hurrah at my place, likely a drunkfest over St. Patrick's Day
-Matt Nathanson concert in March
-A weekend trip, somewhere close, a weekend we can all agree on, heavy in food and drink and light in responsibility
-Crossing the border for dinner in Windsor (yes, we go to other countries for dinner. Aren't we just c-l-a-s-s-y?)
-A summer roadtrip to a DMB concert. Or two. Or three. (This will be minus Colleen, who doesn't have the DMB Dork gene Lucy and I were born with.)

But we aren't above dreaming, either --
-Vegas (complicated by the fact that Colleen is perpetually broke)
-Mexico for our 30th birthdays (hoping that Colleen has a job/sugardaddy by this time)
-Trifecta of Power at our 10-year high school reunion
-Israel. We have a free place to stay, so we really cannot see why not.

You name it? We've probably dreamed it. And I've probably written it on a scrap piece of paper - or a napkin from a bar - and stored it somewhere.

I'm not sure what it says about us - maybe that we spend too much time looking into the future and not enough on the now - but its one of my favorite things about our little group. Always excited for the next time we get to hang out together.

Sunday, February 08, 2009


Though I could probably come up with a substantial list of things in my life that I regret if I tried, I don't have many top-of-mind regrets. You know, the ones that hang on me every day.

My biggest regret, which does not hang on me every day but is definitely present in my life on a regular basis, is my four years spent as an undergrad.

Let me be blunt: I wasted it.

I wasted it alone. I have no good friends from college. I was withdrawn and lost. The only place I felt I belonged was at work - teaching skating. I trudged through my college years instead of embracing them.

I still have a lot of great memories. But I could have had so many more. If I wasn't afraid to leave my dorm room. If I occasionally loosened my sense of right and wrong. If I talked in class. If I could make eye contact.

I was on campus today. Decided it would be a good place to study. I stopped at Starbucks for a mocha. I went to the third floor of the graduate library.

It was like I was an undergraduate again.

I don't miss the person that I was.

[I'm afraid that I haven't changed much.]

Saturday, February 07, 2009

I can be very idealistic

I'm officially the team captain for my company's involvement in a charity run/walk in May.

I. Am. So. Excited.

Which is pretty dorky. I'm sure that a ton of my coworkers got the president's email that announced our company's involvement and groaned, moaned, wept and pouted.

Feeling like they have to participate. Just like they feel that they have to show up to the office Christmas party.

It isn't like that. I'm not trying to force company bullshit on them. I'm trying to get them to rally up their friends and family, put on our t-shirt and walk/run for an hour on a Saturday morning. And I guarantee that everyone who participates will be happy and proud that they did.

I'm just afraid that I won't have many participants.

(And I'm sure that everyone will think that I'm a brown noser, but that's cool.)

Here's to hoping that it won't be a huge bust!

And that we win the team t-shirt competition.

And the biggest new team award.

And raise a lot of money and make a difference.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

In this corner, at 4'11" and weighing 95 pounds...

I made the decision – the unusual decision, I should add, because of my perchance for holding a grudge – to get over the whole Anna relocation debacle.

Anna is my cousin. She is always going to be my cousin. We’re going to share birthdays and Christmases and funerals and births for a long time.

It isn’t worth it. The holding a grudge isn’t worth it.

Neither is living in a silent house. Neither is stewing in my anger every day between now and the end of March.

So I gave up on it. There’s no changing it now, anyway.

That isn’t to say that I wasn’t tickled pink when I heard that my grandma was pissed on my behalf.

“I’m so mad at her,” my grandma ranted to my mom. “To do that to Alyson – she would do anything for anyone and Anna does this? And tells her via email? I hope she takes Anna for a lot of money!”

(For the record – I’m not. Just making her pay her half of March’s rent in its entirety.)

It is always nice to have someone in your corner.

Especially My Grandma the Troll. She’s badass.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Resolution Roundup 2009: Part 1

In 2009, accountability is the name of the game!

Checking in on the first month of the year.

Be nicer to my nemesis coworker.
Nemesis Coworker is going to have lunch with his wife.

I'm all "stare into her eyes for us all, Nemesis Coworker!" And then I asked if there was an occasion, such as an anniversary.

Nemesis Coworker says (this is really charming of him) as he is leaving, "speaking of marriage, how's that going for you?"


But - looking at the month as a whole - I think that I did okay.

Grade: C

Take an average of 1 yoga class per week.
I took one class in all of January. That is not okay.

Grade: D-

Use my Palm Pilot.
While I wouldn't say that I'm reformed, I'd say that I am well on my way. Am back to using it, back to keeping it charged. When I get back to putting things in the minute they hit my schedule I'll be golden.

Grade: B+

Get a new job.
I interviewed. And it went pretty well. And I might not get the job, but I put myself out there.

I also successfully made it through my first three weeks of class. Which puts me closer to graduation. Which puts me closer to getting a new job.

Grade: A

Run a half-marathon.
My class schedule isn't helping my gym schedule, but I'm doing what I can with what I have.

Grade: B-

Give myself an allowance.
OMG. So, this might be the best resolution I've made because, I swear, it is actually working. I remember to go to the ATM machine. I have the cash on me. And I'm not charging stupid little things that I shouldn't. I'm also not buying stupid little things that I shouldn't.

Not that I've completely weaned myself off of the plastic. But this is a big step.

Grade: A-

Monday, February 02, 2009

Choices, choices

I could blog...or I could go on Facebook.
I could get to bed so that I'm rested for my Monday-Tuesday one-two punch...or I could go on Facebook.
I could pack my lunch for tomorrow...or I could go on Facebook.
I could pick out my clothes for tomorrow...or I could go on Facebook.
I could listen to my sister bitch about the virus on her computer...or I could go on Facebook. Or I could go on Facebook while pretending to listen to my sister bitch about the virus on her computer.

Yeah. I think I'll go with that.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Being the hostess is exhausting

It was my work BFF Ashley's birthday this week. I had to pester her a little bit - but she okayed going out to celebrate last night.

I spent my afternoon in party-mode. Grocery shopping. Cleaning. Baking cupcakes. You know the drill.

None of her non-work friends showed up. Us work friends had a lovely time, yes, but I hate that none of her other friends came. I know how that feels.

We had fun. It was a bar that we don't normally frequent - a chill, hipster crowd and an atmosphere that matched.

Back at the house, I was inflating the air mattress and finding pillows and blankets for the couch and begging everyone to drink a bottle of water before bed.

It was fun. I don't mind the busy. It is what I'll miss most about living here. Not the inflated rent. Not the squirrels in the attic. Not the jackasses who live under us or the half-hour drive to work. But the constant excuse to have people over? To be a hostess? I'll definitely miss that.
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