Monday, October 06, 2008

For shame

Saturday night was a gong show.

I puked.

That is really all I can focus on: the fact that I puked after we got home. Oh, and also that I don’t remember the last quarter of the evening.

I hate that. I hate that I got that drunk. It has never happened before. It won’t happen again. (I know people say that all the time. But I really mean it. For really real.)

So I am all, like, embarrassed that I puked and so I really can’t appreciate the fun that we had or all of the people who came to celebrate my birthday.

Darren was acting like a jerk. He had to work – didn’t get out until after midnight – and he acted like a wanker. He can be moody. I don’t think I really have a crush on him anymore.

Here are the circumstances surrounding my vomiting. I was in my bed. And then I leaned over and puked onto the floor. And into my cousin Liz’s shoes. For real. Meg had to pour the bile out of them.

I can’t believe I did that.

I hate that I was so out of control. At least I didn’t do or say anything stupid. But I’m really mad at myself anyway. I don’t do things like that. I am better than that. I have more control.

Anna told me, Ashley told me – everyone told me – that it happens to everyone. But that’s not good enough for me.

Seriously. I am such a shamed, pathetic mess that everyone feels the need to council me on my indiscretions.

Being this anal is really exhausting.

1 comments:

Accidentally Me said...

I'll take a little different tact. It is perfectly ok to feel a little dumb about getting that drunk. It is a sign of maturity...I had one of those moments last spring around similar circumstances.

But you can't beat yourself up over it! So you got sick...big deal. Now you know how foolish you feel when you do, and you can avoid it in the future. No one got hurt, no one thinks and less of you, and there is really nothing bad out of this. Only the good lesson;-)

 
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