Thursday, July 31, 2008

Losing the shackles

I am bummed – really bummed – that The Athlete is gone. I spoke to him yesterday; he was on a layover at an airport en route to his final destination. I’m filled with just enough regret. I should’ve gone out on Friday. The situation could be so different. But I am also harboring a fair bit of hope. Who knows what the future can bring?

My high school friend, Heather, called me yesterday. She wanted me to join her and a few of her friends for Trivia Night at a bar near our hometown. I told her the story of The Athlete and how I just wanted to pout for a night.

“He’s going to be in Scandinavia,” I whined. “With all of those beautiful Scandinavian girls!”

“But you’re beautiful,” she said. She is never empathetic.

I went to trivia. We did well. It was fun. I was social. And it didn’t even kill me.

We left shortly after 11.

I walked with Heather out to our cars. We walked together between two rows of cars.

Colin was walking, in the opposite direction, between the next rows.

I knew that running into him at that bar was a possibility. I spent a lot of nights with him there. He is at that bar at least three times a week (drinking problem, anyone?). He conducts court with all of his buddies after he leaves work.

He heard my voice. He had to have heard my voice. I was being loud. And my voice carries well.

I got a good look at him when we both crossed through an open part of the parking lot. He stepped out from between cars as I was just stepping behind them. He was looking at his phone. To avoid seeing me? So that I would think that he hadn’t seen me? I’m not sure.

“It’s Colin!” I hissed to Heather.

“Ewww.” Was her response.

I giggled. Shook off the pure terror that had gripped me for a nanosecond. And realized that I didn’t give a shit. I did not want to run after him. I did not wish that he had acknowledged me. I did not want to cry.

Our encounter was over before it started.

I’m done.


Anonymous said...

Yeah for a fun night and not caring about seeing Collin. I think it's rather breezy you didn't go last Friday. Another one will be along soon. Very soon, I suspect. :)

Accidentally Me said...

I have a working theory about The Athlete...(and I think you will like it;-)).

You noted that it is rare for you to be openly hit on by guys. Now, we have all seen pictures of you...and we know you are eminently hit-on-ible (i.e., plenty hot:-P).

So here is my thought...I think guys assume you are out of their league. Don't laugh! I am serious! It happens all the time...for whatever reason, they just assume that you wouldn't be interested. It is a combination of hotness and confidence and coolness. we have a guy who was likely always the best looking, strongest, most popular guy in his own world, who now has one of life's great pickup lines ("I get payed to play sports"). So, he would never assume that ANYONE was out of his league, and therefore he is the one who finally has the stones to try and pick you up.

Which can only mean one need to start hitting on more boys!!!

Paul Michael Peters said...

I agree with Accidentally Me - guys think you are out of their league.

People have tried to tell me there are no leagues - but they are all beautiful and married. Their opinions no longer count.

my life is brilliant said...

I think Absolutely Me is absolutely right. I really do.

I remember hearing about a study when I was in college. Evidently there was a study that followed two women in social scenes. They were always together in the study. One was just supermodel gorgeous. The other was average-looking.

In the study, the average-looking girl got hit on more than the supermodel-gorgeous girl because -- you guessed it -- all the guys were too scared to talk to her. Because they thought she was out of their league.

You've got it all, missy. Trust me: The guys notice.

Stace said...

My encounter hasn't happened, but I'm hoping it goes something like that. You. ARE. A. ROCKSTAR! You don't need him, and he doesn't deserve you. You are way better than being put on the back burner. xoxox

Unknown said...

Accidentally Me is right. Don't short-change yourself!

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