Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Attempting to pinpoint

It must be the older sibling in me. Despite each and every one of my personality traits pushing me in the other direction, I am fairly independent. I have lived alone, traveled alone, moved to strange places (Pennsylvania one summer in college, Denver after I graduated from college) alone, I have gone to movies alone, I have shopped alone. I'm not one of those girls who needs a sidekick for each and every activity.

The majority of the time, I still feel like I am one big pussy. But I do have guts. I just do my best to convince myself otherwise.

I have guts and, of course, I suspect that may be my problem.

Last week, a coworker told me that I would never get married because I intimidate and scare off all of the boys.

When I told my mom, she agreed.

She agreed. She agreed that there is something about me that is inherently not marriageable.

That I scare the boys away because I am...what?

Too independent? When my coworker said that I intimidate all of the boys, I am sure that he was not talking about my looks. My job. My alcohol tolerance. The purse that I carry. My athletic prowess.

To this coworker, I am sure that I come off as self sufficient, stubborn, willing to tell people exactly what I think. I come across that way in the workplace; I work with a bunch of jocks that would totally take advantage of my otherwise. But, unless it is somehow visible beneath my shyness, I remain unconvinced that it is the trait that is scaring off the suitors.

How do they know that I have no problem taking care of myself? That I am strong on my own? That I would love that perfect boyfriend or husband but don't feel that I need one to be complete?

Do I have to be vulnerable? Do I soften up my personality - tease less and bat my eyelashes more? Do I reinvent myself? Do I act?

And when do I let me out?

Sometimes I think that is what went wrong with me and Colin. Too much me.


Accidentally Me said...

I am not gonna lie...I kinda got mad reading this.

"Not marriageable"? What the fuck does that mean? You have to be weak and submissive to get married? That is a total crock.

It seems like they are suggesting that you should act like someone else just so some guy with an inferiority complex will marry you. No thanks! Then you will both be miserable when he finds out you aren't who you were pretending to be, and you have to keep being someone you aren't.

And I don't buy for a second that guys are too intimidated by independent women to date them. Some guys are, but those aren't the guys you want to date anyway! There are plenty of guys who are not threatened by strong women, and who genuinely appreciate being around them.

And that last sentence is total and complete bullshit. Too much you? How can there be too much you?!?! If it is the right guy that is comfortable enough in his own manhood, he would want all of the you that can be found. The problem isn't too much you, it is NOT ENOUGH COLIN!!!

Paul Michael Peters said...

You are both wrong. Bend to the pressure. Be meek and inherit the earth. Let men dominate you. Be just like everyone else. You are not a perfect snowflake. You are not unique. Bend to the will of the masses Comrades! Feel the comfort of others taking care of your every need. Do not resist! One of us. One of us.

In the immortal words of Billy Joel “Don’t go changing, to try and please me.”

Anonymous said...

i kinda had a similar comment made to me today about how i'm so "self-sufficient" and "don't need anyone." it was not said in a nice way and it upset me. because when is that a bad thing?

Stace said...

I totally agree with everyone else. I can't get enough of you. Fine I'm a girl, WHATEVER but like accidentally me said, there are men out there that aren't afraid of an independant women, keep looking you are still young, we are still young. :)

Anonymous said...

AGREED! I've been dumped by guys that have said I'm too smart or independent. It's true what others have said; guys like don't have a strong enough personality or sense of self to keep up!

Anonymous said...

I'm still mad that I tried to comment on this when you posted it and then it got deleted somehow. Darn it!

my life is brilliant said...

Everything I had to say is right up there in Accidentally Me's comment. She did a good job!

You, missy, rock. I don't know what on earth that bonehead meant when he said that, but I'm hoping he actually meant it as a compliment. Guys are stupid enough to say things that sound COMPLETELY different than what they mean.

Regardless, you really are awesome. You'll find a mature, awesome guy someday who isn't intimidated by that, but who loves you for it. You keep kicking butt and keep being you. Just because you're surrounded by pansy ass "men" doesn't mean you have to turn into some stereotypical lost, dependent, "Rescue me please!" moron to make them feel stronger!

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