Monday, April 21, 2008

That familiar feeling

Over the weekend, I had the pleasure of learning that Colin is dating someone. Some girl named Megan.

At the time, I shook it off. “At least he’s not married,” I thought to myself. I told myself that I didn’t care. But I do.

The amount that I care varies. There are points in my days when I can laugh about it. There are points in my days when I can appreciate it. There are points in my day when I hope that she is stronger and meaner and more forceful than I am – that she kicks him around because he deserves it. And there are points in my day when I am absolutely sick to my stomach.

I can’t believe that he’s dating someone.

It makes my heart hurt.

And it makes me into a bitter, jealous girl.

And it makes me just the slightest bit cocky. I suspect that he has downgraded. Maybe she is pretty. Maybe she is more spontaneous. But I guarantee that she doesn’t have my education. My pedigree. My sharp wit. My abs or my ass.

Maybe those are the exact reasons that they dating.

Maybe that feeling that I sometimes buried in the back of my head – that maybe he was, in some ways, below me – was justified. Maybe our differences were the reason that we couldn’t make it work.

Or maybe it is because HE IS AN IMMATURE, EMOTIONALLY RETARDED FUCKING ASSHOLE.

I cannot wait to be over him.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

You are certainly on your way, sweetie! I LOOOOOOOVE your sentence, "But I guarantee she doesn't have..." YOu are the best!!

Stace said...

Way to be a strong girl. You've got it in you to be over him. . .guys suck. I've come to that conclusion.

Anonymous said...

You'll get over him. And the best part? You'll just be over him and one day realize it.

I'm sorry though because this feeling SUCKS.

 
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