Sunday, April 06, 2008

Maybe I'm the problem

This is Anna's weekend off work, so I wanted to make an effort to spend a bit of time with her. I have a habit of escaping to Mom and Dad's house on the weekends - and then she's here all by herself and feels all lonely and I am sure it does nothing to help her mental state.

It's hard being a new graduate. Your college social life doesn't follow you.

Anna and a few of the nurses that she works with decided that they wanted to go to the bar. Multicultural Nurses Night, Anna called it, since the group is quite diverse.

I told Anna that I would go out with her and the nurses. I am not a social creature, so I wasn't thrilled at the prospects of drinking with a bunch of people who I don't know, but I try to push myself. On occasion, anyway.

It wasn't long after I accepted Anna's invitation that Lucy, still without a phone, emailed to ask if I would like to spend Saturday night at her house. She was having a little game night, with a few friends and a few family members.

I didn't accept the invitation. Told her to come to Multicultural Nurses Night once the games got old.

A few days passed. After nearly two months of not being able to contact her (three weeks in Israel, four weeks waiting for her phone to be shipped from Israel), Lucy finally got her phone back. She called yesterday. I rang her back. Anna's Multicultural Nurses Night was to be held right by her house. I wanted to go to Lucy's house before. If it could be arranged. If they weren't getting together too late.

She never called back.

That shit pisses me off. You don't have two minutes to return my phone call? I wanted to see you - but I am so over having to put in all of the work. I feel like an afterthought.

Like last weekend. I called Colleen in the afternoon. She mentioned that her and Lucy were going the birthday party of one of Lucy's college friends. I thought "gee, thanks for asking if I wanted to go along." I said nothing. Lucy called me around 9:00 pm (from her husband's phone) and asked if I wanted to join them. They were just about to leave.

Uh, no thanks. As fun as it would be, I had just played in a hockey game and hadn't showered and I was at my parents house and had no proper clothes. Why? Because you couldn't bother to invite me until 5 minutes before you were going to leave.

I'm sorry, but I just don't work like that.

I want more than 5 minutes lead time.
I want to know the plan rather than just show up at your house with the hopes that your game night is still going on.

I don't think it is too much to ask.

Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I am just needy.

I just want to know that I am a priority.


Accidentally Me said...

So, how was nurses night? That actually sounds fun to me...I love hanging out with people I barely know. A couple beers and you are usually fast friends;-)

Paul Michael Peters said...

Yeah… there is a time after school where people grow in their own direction and distance does not help hold the things together we would cling to before.

Take comfort that after this period you have a true appreciation of friendships and find people who are really interested in you and your feelings.

It goes back to the golden rule, treat others like you want to be treated, if only others would pick that up earlier in life.

Stace said...

Man I hate it when that happens. I normally bitch and moan and they normally apologize, but that's b/c me and my group have been friends for 10 years they better know me. :)
As for drinking with new ppl. I normally am not like that either but I figure the more friends the better, you'll always have something going on, somewhere different to go, and always a way to get out of the house. :)

my life is brilliant said...

I'm sorry that happened. That sucks. I always felt like the afterthought with my friends growing up. It was always awesome to hear them talking about this big sleepover they were all at. I'd have no clue what they were talking about, and then they'd say, "Oh, sorry. It was last-minute. We were going to invite you, but you live so far out of town." Like 20 minutes is undriveable or something.

Now, I make a conscious effort to not mention things that would leave people feeling left out. If I'm telling a story someone I'm with wouldn't know enough background about to understand, I'll fill them in.

I definitely don't want to make someone else feel the way my "friends" used to make me feel.

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