Tuesday, April 29, 2008

It never hurts to be prepared

Last week, I had this funny feeling that Colin would be there.

This week, it is less of an inkling and more of a certainty. He will be there. Pretending like everything is okay, I'm sure.

I want to be able to look him in the eye.
I want to be able to walk into that building, see him through the open door to his office and give him a little wave. I don't want the tension and the drama of last week. I want to acknowledge that he is there. And then I want to play my game. Not "play," halfheartedly, like I did last week.

And I want two seconds alone with him. I had it last week, but I wasn't prepared.

This week, if all of the stars align again, I will be prepared to ask him the one question I need answered.

What is it about me that makes it so easy for you dismiss my existence?

I need that answer.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh please don't put yourself through that - he's not going to have an answer for you because it's about his insanity and nothing to do about you. Hope you're able to achieve what you need tonight.

A said...

Maybe I put that wrong. It really isn't the answer that I want. It is the look of panic on his face when I ask it to him that I'm craving.

It isn't like he can run: he's at work.

Stace said...

Ok the look of panic I can see that being satisfying. But just waiting for a response I can see that being killer, you'll ask, then hope he'll have an answer, when he doesn't. . later you'll hope that he did. YIKES sounds painful to me. But . . .uh. . .good luck.

A said...

He won't have an answer. I know that he won't have an answer - so I think I will be okay standing in front of him, throwing a curveball of a question at him and watching him squirm.

If he does have an answer (he won't)...well, I'm not sure if it is possible for him to hurt me anymore.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't the question really be:

"What is it about YOU that makes it so easy for you to dismiss other peoples feelings?"

I did something sort of like that once. I don't regret it because it made him find his balls.... but it wouldn't have mattered either way.

 
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