Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Am biggest dumbass ever

So, I emailed Colin today?

I KNOW. I know, I know, I know. There was this momentary lapse in judgment and I don't know how it happened. One minute I was holding strong and steady, the next minute I was hitting send.

You are all allowed to post hate comments. But just this one time.

Perhaps I am delusional (there is no doubt that I am delusional), but I think that my email could have been worse. More pathetic. Slightly more pathetic, anyway. I'm pretty close to the top of that scale.

From: Alyson
To: Colin
Sent: Wednesday, April 09, 2008 12:44 PM
Subject: RE: Hey

You know that last time I saw you – at soccer, when I acted like a spoiled, bratty toddler? I have been feeling guilty about it for the past 2+ months, so I think that it is time for me to apologize (via email because it is the easy way out). It was uncalled for. I acted like an ass. Sorry. The end.


From: Colin
To: Alyson
Sent: Wednesday, April 09, 2008 4:44 PM
Subject: RE: Hey

You had all good reason to be like that, I was the stupid guy that fell off the face of the earth...again. I wouldn't fell guilty about it, I would have come to more soccer games but between feeling awkward with everyone there and you not wanting to even look at me, I figured probably not the best of ideas. How much money do I owe you? So I am sorry for a being a douche and still would like to chat, but I understand. BTW the 212 [we're talking phone number prefixes here] number is almost done and only carry 476.

P.S. WE had to put
[his brother's dog] down
P.S.S. [His other brother] was in Jail and is going to Marine Corp
P.S.S.S. My Aunt committed suicide
P.S.S.S.S. My Uncle Died
P.S.S.S.S.S. I have a new Dog
P.S.S.S.S.S.S. I need to have shoulder surgery
That is all of the main information that has happened lately and most of that happened in December.

How the hell do you respond to that?

How do you say "I'm really sorry that your life was shitty but I can't forgive you for how you treated me" in a semi-kind manner?

Need to be firm.

Need to tell him that we can talk about this, but it cannot be via email. Wait...can we talk about this? What if I am totally, way, so so so certain that it will not lead to me falling for him again that I would bet my future on it? Then could we theoretically talk this out if he happens to be man enough to want to [side note: he isn't. Would bet my ovaries on it.]?

NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME. I cannot believe I emailed him. Gah. Am complete wanker.


Stace said...

OMG "bloody" and "wanker" totally reminded me of Wimbledon.
Ok so you emailed him. You know I'm thinking of worse. . .a text. But you beat me to it. As far as answering him. . could you just leave it alone? Is talking to him THAT important to you? Are you SURE you wouldn't fall for him again? IDK chica it sounds kinda iffy to me. But you are your own women and you will do as you please, just guard your heart and be careful.

C said...

Hi! Random lurker here, going to jump in on this one, because I've so been there. Anyways, the email? Could have been way worse, and I bet you felt better once you sent it. It sounds like he had some crappy times to go through, and that sucks and all, but you were his girlfriend! He should have been able to go to you! Bottom line? He ignored you in a most ridiculous way, and that's all you need to know. Although, it is nice to know that there were other things contributing to it. You'll figure out what's best for you.

Anonymous said...

Hey another random lurker - but I did once give good advice or so it was commented upon as such about your cousin. I wouldn't comment on the smartness or not of contacting him. People whose hearts have been broken do things all the time that they regret (or not) later. I chalk the emailing him up to that - the impetuous heart wants what it wants. BUT (and you knew there'd be a but) his response tells you everything you need to know about him to make you run for the hills. If someone you are supposed to be close with, with whom you share all of lifes intimate moments feels the need to exclude you from the moments when a reasonable person would think he'd need you the most - it says a whole lot about where he holds you in the trust and closeness world. And it looks like he did it not with just one thing but a handfull of things. He's not ready to be in a truly intimate relationship. so what ever you decide to do, do it with your eyes wide open as to who he really is.

May your heart truly get what it needs.

Lauren said...

I think the email is okay so long as it makes you feel better. However, it still doesn't mean that it wasn't a stupid move because now he's trying to suck you back in. It seems pretty obvious to me that Colin only cares about himself, and the world that revolves around him. If he didn't, he'd be a more considerate individual to the people that he supposedly cares about. It should be painfully obvious to you that he really doesn't give a crap about anyone else.

I'd bet you that he wasn't pining over YOUR myspace page, or yearning to send YOU and email. The only reason that he responded to you is because you're the one that reached out and entered HIS space. I say leave him alone, you've said your piece. You should run away from him like your knickers are ablaze, and find that someone out there who's willing to put you first.

Anonymous said...

Wanker=awesome. Hehehe. I giggled.

Okay. Here's my say Aly. This will either end at some point or it will work out and you will get married. I've been there. It ended, I reached out when I shouldn't have, he didn't deserve it. Or he would email. And eventually it ended. What will be will be. Doesn't matter if you sent that email or not. You are going to do what you want or need to do at the time and no one can change that. I once asked my friend, "how many times will my heart be broken?" And she said, "as many times as it takes." And she was right. Because I believe what's meant to be is meant to be and falling back into his "trap" doesn't make you crazy or making the WRONG choice, it just makes it what's going right now in your life. Sure, you might regret it later, but who doesn't regret stuff later? Come on. WE all do. In the end life will work out and what's supposed to happen will happen. No hater here. I will do what I would do with any of my friends I know personally and that is, just listen.

BTW, you could have worded that email a million different ways and you still would have felt SOMETHING after hitting send.

Totally normal.

OC said...

I agree 100% with the comments before me here. It's a tough situation and I know I've been there. I'm as stubborn as they come and yet, I've still given in. The email wasn't bad. You didn't do or say or write anything wrong. If you felt better after, that's all that counts.

It's about closure sometimes and you have to do what works for you. Because really, that's all there is.

A said...

Seriously, you guys, best comments EVER. I think I need to print these out and carry them in my purse with me everwhere I go.

Tough but kind. That's how I love my readers.

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