Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Soccer

Worse than I thought it would be.

I felt very little. My hurt felt very big.

I couldn't look at him. I didn't speak to him. The few times he spoke my name (indicating that he was going to pass to me), I cringed.

The game meant nothing. I didn't play badly. But I also didn't care.

I was engulfed
feeling worthless
like that naïve girl
who doesn't get the clue
that nobody likes her
not even a little bit

The worst part was the overwhelming feeling that I could walk away from this team - full of people who I really like and respect and enjoy playing with - because of him. Because I cannot be graceful in being carelessly and hurtfully dumped by a boy who obviously cared very little about me in the first place.

I cried in the car.

But it was just a few tears.

5 comments:

DShan said...

oh...i'm sorry. i just played a game too. i'm sorry your was fretful. screw that guy...he doesn't deserve you.

Accidentally Me said...

Hmm...that doesn't sound really pleasant:-(

I feel like you need some closure with him. You had such a weird breakup, and it just seems like you need to say what you need to say, and listen to what he needs to say and officially end this. It is going to be hard to move on until you do, if you continue to see him socially.

OC said...

Good advice from AM. It's going to be hard, every time, every game. And soccer is something you love. You shouldn't have to give that up because of him. It is hard and it's going to continue to be hard. And while that's not fair, you need to do what will give you closure, whatever that is. If it is time away from him, then do it.

my life is brilliant said...

I don't know enough of the history of this to really be able to comment, but it sounds like you're a tough girl.

I'm sorry things suck right now, but I'm pretty sure they'll get better.

*hugs*

Stace said...

Why am I always a DAY LATE? Either way. . . quitting would be up to you. Do you want to leave the team? Crying is ok. . .at least that's what I tell myself, but if it was only a few tears GOOD FOR YOU, b/c mine are like bucket fulls. Either way you will get over it, time heals all wounds PROMISE. . . it's kinda working for me. Focus on everything else you have on your plate. xoxox

 
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