Wednesday, January 23, 2008


I do not know what my problem is.

Maybe it is just that I have too much new (house, classes, job, soccer season, etc.) in my life. Whatever the cause may be, all I know is that I feel exceptionally lost.

The speed with which I live my life oftentimes feels like a race.

I race to squeeze in all of my living for each overscheduled day – getting up at 5:30 am for a yoga class, going to bed at 11:30 pm after a hockey game.

I feel like I have fallen behind in my race. I have fallen so far behind that I no longer know where the path is. I am a little lost, a little concerned, confused and frustrated and really missing the luxury that is a defined and manageable schedule.

I don’t know where to cut. It is all important to me.
It is important that I take yoga class. I feel better when I do. I take it at 6:00 am.
It is important that I continue to work towards my master’s degree. I like the challenge. I like that it will bring me a new career.
It is important that I work. I like to spend money. I also like having a roof over my head.
It is important that I play soccer. It is a social event as much as it is a sporting event and I am not particularly adept at socialization.
It is important that I do my homework. I won’t graduate, otherwise.
It is important that I attend my sister’s hockey games. She graduates this year.
It is important that I figure skate. It is a sport that I do entirely on my own. I crave the challenge of independence.
It is important that I have a little bit of time to do absolutely nothing. Just an hour of Ugly Betty or time to bake a batch of cookies or read Perez Hilton would suffice.
It is important that I play hockey. I’ve made a commitment to my team through March. I will honor that.
It is important that I get sleep. My body wants eight hours per night. This is where I am struggling.
It is important that I spend time with my family. The most important of all.

Tonight, I go from work to class to hockey. I have to leave class a little early to make my hockey game, which has me all atwitter. The professor has successfully freaked me out. I have no idea if the knowledge that I’m retaining is sufficient to pass the class. I really don’t think that I should be leaving. But my team already rescheduled this game on account of me. I didn’t feel I could ask them to do it again. Especially since the rescheduled date would just be on another Wednesday night that I’d have to miss class.

I know that I will find a way to make this all work. I always do. But I am just stressed and overwhelmed and I just want five minutes to do nothing. Not even start a quick load of laundry.



OC said...

Just catching up now... but you sound like me. My Wednesday is work to the gym to class to soccer. Leave my place at 6:30 a.m. and return at 11:30 p.m.

Rinse, repeat. Hang in there.

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