Tuesday, January 29, 2008

D-Day

It’s a big day here at So Midwestern.

I’m playing soccer with Colin for the first time since:
a. he up and disappeared on me for an entire fucking month
b. he sent me an apologetic email full of lame excuses
c. I sent a response to his apologetic email that was firm, short, uncharacteristically honest and neither cruel nor kind.

This isn’t verbatim, but my email went something like this:
Way too little, way too late. I'll still see you at soccer, where I will be civil in your presence. I think that soccer should be the extent of my interactions with you for the time being.

He didn’t email me back. I didn’t expect him to.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out tonight. Who is going to play the role of the scorned lover? Who is the guilty one – the cruel dumper? Looking at it very technically, I am the one who broke up with Colin. I am the bad guy.

I feel guilty. I hope that he feels more so. He didn’t give me a choice.

I wonder if he feels like the dumper or the dumpee.

I wonder how he will handle me being there. Is he okay with it? It seems that the dumper should be well adjusted and calm and at peace with the decision. They should be okay with spending some very casual time with the person that they dumped. And I am. And, due to his role in this breakup (I might’ve pulled the trigger, but it was all him), it seems that he should be, too.

If I can smile at him and say hello and play a decent soccer game, I will call tonight a success. Even if I barf on my way there. Even if I start bawling as soon as I get into my car.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are not the bad guy. Please don't think that. You are standing up for yourself and he should and probably does feel like a jackass. I know it hurts and I'm sorry for that.

Anonymous said...

you are not the dumper! when a guy doesnt call for a month, that is being dumped in the worst way!!!! he should feel like a jackass and you have nothing, NOTHING to beat yourself up over.

OC said...

You are hardly the bad guy. You did nothing wrong. You tried for longer and harder than most people would have. Good luck tonight and take it out on the field. That would be the best revenge.

And then you can cry in your car.

 
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