Thursday, November 15, 2007

Nothing, and everything, is the same

I remember starting this blog.

I remember wanting to remember starting this blog.

I think that I knew – had some inkling, anyhow – that this blog would be big in my evolution from unhappy college student and whoever I was supposed to become.

I wasn’t sure what the end product was supposed to be. I still don’t. But, every day, I’m getting a clearer vision of who I am and who I want to become.

And I have a record of it.

That is why I’ve kept up this blog for the last three years.

It was a miserably cold, rainy November afternoon. I got home from my internship and fell into the plaid armchair in the corner of our library. I might not have even bothered taking my coat off when I sat down and propped my laptop atop my knees. The chill of November had seeped deep into me. And I started a blog.

I needed to. I was scared and unhappy. In a lot of ways, college wasn’t good for me. I came home insecure, self-loathing and uncertain. I had my degree, but not much else. Failure was never far from my thoughts.

I am not a completely different person. I am not deliriously happy. I have reached no career goals. I have no money in the bank. I am nobody special. I haven’t reached my pinnacle.

But I can live with myself. And that is an improvement.


Stace said...

Living with yourself is always an improvement. :D

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