Thursday, August 23, 2007

My friend the trainwreck

This is a long story. I will shorten it as much as I can without damaging the integrity of this hot mess.

My friend Alexa? Oh holy hell.

After a craptastic year at a mediocre (at best) school here in Michigan, she went to college at a liberal arts college on the East coast. She came home three years ago with a degree and a lot of student loans.

And she met a boy. His name is Ed. He is a musician. And irresponsible. Lazy. Unmotivated. Devoid of a decent work ethic. (I really like him, if you couldn’t tell.)

He didn’t have a job. Until more than two years into their relationship.

Oh. Wait. Scratch that. He got a job a year or so after they started dating. Delivering pizzas. But he quit it within a week.

Anyway. Alexa decided that she wanted to get her master’s in social work. Applied for the program at UM. Got in. Leased an apartment in Ann Arbor (Ed moved in with her, of course). Took out more student loans. Started classes. Dropped out shortly thereafter.

They continued to live in Ann Arbor for the duration of Alexa’s lease. Alexa worked part-time for a real estate agent; Ed just did whatever you do when you’re unemployed and inherently lazy.

When the Ann Arbor apartment lease was up, they’d been together for a year. Alexa decided it would be best to move back in with her parents. While she lived at home, Ed bounced between Alexa’s parents’ house (classy!), his parents’ house and his van.

I can’t recall how long Alexa lived at home or what she did to make money during that time. Apparently, however, she registered for classes at EMU that she later dropped. (I just learned that this week.)

And then she and Ed moved into an apartment. She got a job working with autistic kids. He didn’t work. She put their rent on the credit cards that she was always opening, transferring balances to and attempting to use the promotional 0% APRs to her advantage. (Obviously a big mistake. But I think that, 350 words into this rant, you may already know that maybe Alexa isn’t the smartest girl this world has ever seen.)

Halfway into their lease, Ed gets a conscience and a job. He starts waiting tables and – wow! – we all think that maybe they’ll get their shit together and start paying down Alexa’s debts and everything.

And then Alexa quits her job. She hates it too much. And Ed, ever the romantic, said that it was his turn to carry them (financially).

Okay. Whatever. Alexa lines up a job as a summer camp counselor. (Hi. If you’re 25, you’re probably too old to be a camp counselor.) She starts massage therapy school. Which she loves.

Three months later, Alexa and Ed are breaking up.

None of The Girls are sad about it.

But Alexa seems to be losing her shit.

As in, she stopped going to her massage therapy classes this week.
And next week, when she is supposed to be going to NYC to visit friends, SHE’S JUST GOING TO STAY.

She hasn’t told her parents that her and Ed are over. Or that she quit school (again). Or that she’s moving.

AND SHE CALLED LUCY AND ASKED HER TO CO-SIGN ON A LOAN.

Because, now that she won’t be in school anymore, all of her student loans (undergraduate, two stabs at graduate school and massage therapy) will no longer be deferred.

She is totally screwed.

Because even sweet, unassuming, understanding and moderately financially irresponsible Lucy was smart enough to refuse.

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