Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Wedding jitters

The RSVP for my cousin Mara’s wedding is due this week and I am absolutely sick about it.

Foolishly sick about sending in the RSVP, I should add – my mother has already made it clear that we are putting aside all of the family drama and attending this wedding for Mara. Not for her asshole parents or for her dickhead brother.

I’m obviously not getting out of my obligation to go to this wedding. And yet I still cannot mail in the RSVP. I cannot do it. The invitation has been sitting on my kitchen table for weeks. All I need to do is check a box.

I can’t bring myself to do it.

Just thinking about the damn wedding makes me nauseous. What’s going to happen? How is this going to work? When Uncle Ed walks up to me, will I turn on my heel and head in another direction? Will there be fights and tears? Could I manage to have a civil conversation with Aunt Louise? Will Meg punch Evan in the face?

The only thing I am certain of is the dress that I will wear.

My only consolation is that my cousins Anna and Emma will be there to share in the misery – and my cousins on the other side of the family, Liz and Danielle, will be there to distract me or console me or stand up for me.

This wedding goes against my every instinct. I am a shielder. I am an avoider. First and foremost, I protect myself.

And this wedding leaves me open and vulnerable. It is asking for trouble. It is begging for conflict.

Maybe it would be better if we didn’t go.

It isn’t my choice.

I need to mail my RSVP.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey. Good luck with this. Family dramas suck, I hope you survive.

I read through your site a little. Are you from Michigan. I ask because that's where I live, and I don't know too many Michigan bloggers.

Anonymous said...

Go ahead, RSVP... then fall down some stairs on the morning of the wedding...

"Sorry I can't go to your wedding, but I have to go tot eh emergency room now"

Totally workable excuse.

(just try to land on a leg or something, not your head)

 
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