Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Soap opera soccer

Here’s my latest dilemma: Colin is scheduled to referee my soccer game on Sunday.

This is a problem, of course, because Meg is my team’s goalie and Meg doesn’t want Colin refereeing any of her games. Had she not thrown a shit fit when he played against us a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t be worrying much about this. But she did. And I’m awfully afraid that she’s going to do it again.

I’ve taken the whiny, childish approach to solving this problem: I am begging and pestering Colin like it is nobody’s business. The plan is to harass poor Colin into submission, breaking his will and forcing him into turning back the game so that another referee can officiate it.

I haven’t told Meg yet. If all goes well, Colin will hear my desperate plea and I won’t have to. But there’s always the chance that he will be a stubborn ass (he thinks that it would be great fun to officiate my game and cannot understand why he would give up such an opportunity) and Meg will have to be told.

And she will shoot flames out of her ears.

I am so not interested in that.

I don’t like upsetting Meg. Even if she is being miserably unreasonable and borderline psychotic to a person who does not deserve her wrath. It is much easier to pacify her by being spineless and giving her exactly what she wants exactly when she wants it.

My dear sister? She’s a little difficult.

And I am her difficulty enabler.

I called my dad about this little predicament, moaning about how Meg will refuse to play on Sunday if Colin is refereeing and then my team won’t have a goalie and then we’ll lose for sure and, ohmygoodnessgracious, my team has already sucked so much this year that my teammates cannot take another loss and neither can I and – gasp for breath – he might have to talk her into being a big girl and playing no matter what.

(My dad is used to me calling him in a panic.)

My dad – who we’ve always jokingly referred to as our sports agent – said that he would talk to Meg. Listening to me sniffle about how Meg has wrongly painted Colin my dad retorted with “I think she has a crush on him.”

Well, that makes two of us.

(Truthfully, I don’t think that she really does.)

Really. But regardless of how I feel about how Meg feels about Colin officiating the game, he shouldn’t be doing it.

You cannot make out with a girl one day and referee her game the next.

Something about that just feels unprofessional.


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