Tuesday, May 08, 2007


This sadness pulls on me. I feel as though I have jumped into a pool of this misery; I am sopping wet in hurt.

I pray for the sun to come out to dry me.

What we walked into on Sunday morning was, essentially, a bloodletting. Aunt Louise took advantage of having her mother and sisters on her turf and she verbally and emotionally abused them.

My grandma is an embarrassment who has never done anything for Evan and Mara.
My mother lives her life to be intentionally cruel.
Aunt Marie and her husband are creepy because they are religious.
My dad is a white trash drunk.

And she really doesn't want any of them (or her father) to be a part of her family. Yet, at the same time, she wants them to "fix this" so that we can masquerade as a happy family at Mara's September wedding.

Surely you understand why I am not convinced that this will happen.

The drive back to Michigan may as well have included a hearse. The pain on the faces of my mom, Grandma and Aunt Marie was tangible. It is a stubborn pain. I know that my mother still wears it on her face; I imagine that Grandma and Aunt Marie are no different.

There are so many tears. So much hurt. In Mom, Grandma and Marie, anyway. Aunt Louise was stone faced as she lashed out on her family. And when we finally went to leave, she stood at the door, telling my mother about the makeup artist who is doing her face for the wedding. Who does that? Who lives in such a deep cave of denial?

She probably slept well on Sunday night.

The rest of us did not.

Meg was so upset that, after going back to school, she turned around and came home. It is hard to see your mother in so much pain. I understand that it is easier to be at home when you're afraid; I spent Sunday night at Mom and Dad's, too.

And Aunt Marie called my mother at 1:00 am on Monday morning. Sobbing.

Yesterday afternoon, Mom pulled a blanket over her head, begging for the sleep that her mind would not allow her to succumb to.

I feel hopeless.
I can't fix this.
I don't want a hateful, estranged branch of my family tree. I want my cousins - both of whom used to be among my best friends. I want the uncle who tells silly stories and speaks in funny voices. I want an aunt who sews me dresses for my American Girl doll.
I want my family back.


Anonymous said...

shit, sorry A, that all sucks the big one. the best thing is probably for you all to make sure you keep communicating and being there for each other (your mom, grandma, aunt & sister) and just being there for all of them, Im sure that is the most helpful thing of all.
sorry for the family drama, maybe its time to bust out those delicious coffee drinks you enjoy so much!

Amy said...

wow, what a plateful you have. There is no greater pain than to be hurt by those we love the most. Your mom, especially must be really hurting right now.

Courtney said...

:( Holy moly. What a weekend.

I came by to say "hi!" and "thanks for the comment" and found this disaster-of-a-weekend story. Ugh. I am so sorry that your fam is going through such drama. You always hurt the ones you love, right? Anyway, here's hoping the storm clouds blow over.

(p.s. as for the U of M sweatshirt, the boyfriend didn't go there but he's from Plymouth and loves the school - GO BLUE!)

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