Monday, March 05, 2007

A weekend to build on

My weekend with Meg was amazing.

All through the weekend, I kept praising myself for taking the extra day off of work. It felt like we had endless time and zero priorities stretching out before us, leaving us a weekend with no obligations and no expectations.

We didn’t do anything noteworthy: Friday was shopping and eating. Saturday was shopping and eating and a glorious one-hour massage and a quick trip to the gym. Sunday was more eating, no shopping, and a bit of preparation to assure that Mom and Dad didn’t come home to a trashed house.

Mostly, we did nothing. Together. And that was the nice part about it. I got my sweet little Meg all to myself. We were inseparable. I didn’t have to share her; I was happy.

Maybe it’s a little creepy, how much I treasure time with my little sister. I’ve always adored her unconditionally and, now that we each live an hour from Mom and Dad’s house – in opposite directions – and I’m bogged down by a full-time job and her life is consumed by being a collegiate student-athlete, we don’t get to spend as much time together as I would like.

We make the most of it. We fall back into our familiar patterns, each sprawled out on our favorite piece of family room furniture, eating ice cream and watching MTV. She accuses me of turning into our mother; I accuse her of turning into our father. We shop and go to the gym and bitch about our friends and tell stories of our various athletic pursuits.

It always goes by too fast. I blinked and it was Sunday morning. Meg was packing to go back to school; Mom and Dad were on their plane back to Detroit.

Meg and I didn’t leave – she would go west, I would go east – until after dinner. We had a third full day together. We didn’t do much and we liked it.

I had a mini breakdown on my way back to my apartment. My eyes welled up and my throat tightened, but I didn’t cry.

I just wanted to.

I felt – and, to be honest, I continue to feel – so trapped. I am so over this. Over my job. Over living on the east side. Over driving an hour to do anything with anyone I want to be around. I’m over my apartment. I’m over working but not making any money. I’m over being professionally under challenged. I’m over all of this. The majority of my life, really.

I want to live closer to home. I want to be able to skate in the mornings before I go to work. I want Colin to be able to stop by without needing to have a few hours and a half of tank of gas to spare. I want to watch Grey’s Anatomy with Lucy and The Girls. I want a job that gives me two consecutive days off per week so that I can go see more of Meg’s games and socialize with increased frequency and not throw a wrench into planning family parties because oh, don’t forget, Aly works EVERY Saturday.

I want a change. I need it soon. I feel like I’m drowning in the inconvenience that is a job that I foolishly allowed to dictate my entire existence to the detriment of all of the things that really matter.

I need to start over. I need to reprioritize.

I’m so over this.


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