Monday, March 19, 2007

A bit of back story

Colleen and I haven’t been friends forever. I should probably clarify that.

During the reception at Lucy’s wedding, Colleen cornered me. Drunk and emotional, words poured out of her. I stood before her, dumbfounded and flattered.

I never thought we could be friends. Lucy always said how similar we were, but I always assumed that we would clash. We didn’t! I can’t tell you how much I have enjoyed getting to know you. I hope that, now the wedding is over, we can still hang out. I feel like we’ve clicked; I like being friends with you.

I pinned Colleen as an emotional drunk. And I liked her – and all of the other bridesmaids, for that matter – enough, but I couldn’t picture a continuance of the casual friendship of convenience that we’d forged.

It didn’t work out that way. Lucy was instrumental in pulling the five of us together for girls’ night out. We moved from each being one of Lucy’s friends to being each other’s friends, too. Those three additional friendships are still in progress; even in their immature states, I can say with certainty that the new friendships have been good for me.

Unbeknownst to me at the time of the wedding, she’s just an outspoken girl. She is forever blurting out the blunt, the shocking and the inappropriate. And alcohol really brings that personality trait out of her.

I am Colleen’s girl. So when we drink, I am not brutalized by her brashness. Instead, I am the recipient of her praises.

You are my hero. I want to be just like you when I grow up.
You do everything well.
All I want is a stomach like yours.

She worships Lucy in much the same way. And she is nice enough to the other two bridesmaids, but it’s not quite the same. To Colleen, she and I are nearly sisters.

As a group, we’ve spent too much time talking about Ryan, Colleen’s high school boyfriend.

Colleen dated Ryan – who she was completely and utterly obsessed with – for two years in high school. They broke up, but she never really moved on. He was always there, haunting her, the memory of him insisting that she had lost her one true love.

Ryan and Colleen got back together sometime last year. It was a tumultuous, intense affair. She fell back into love with him hard and fast. She relished in the second chance of their renewed relationship. This time, of course, it would last.

It didn’t. And when he dumped her shortly after Lucy’s wedding, she was ruined.

They broke up over five months ago. To this point, none of us have had a conversation with Colleen where Ryan’s name hasn’t been brought up.

We’ve recently enacted the No Ryan Rule – absolutely no Ryan discussion, rumor or innuendo – because she seems to need a forceful nudge to move on.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised that she cornered Colin on Saturday night.

And maybe I shouldn’t be surprised at what she said to me as we were leaving the bar.

I wonder if it was because she doesn’t want to be the only one. Or if she said what she did because she genuinely believes it.

I don’t know her well enough to tell.

He’s your Ryan. He’s not right for you.

But how can she know me well enough to judge?


Plantation said...

Based on all you've written about him, I'd have to agree with her. You deserve better.

A said...

Yes, she might be right. But that might just be luck. Can you determine if someone is right for someone else if you've known one of them for six months and one of them for five minutes?

Amy said...

sorta. In the way that you can see how someone acts ABOUT the other person, it tells a lot. Reading about your interactions with Colin is only one side of the story, and yet, I think we get a good idea of how you feel and how you react to him that tells a lot.

Colin, I fear, will never be the man you hope he will be. You love him for a potential he has not chosen to seize.

Each time you talk about him, I am afraid for you because I don't think he can measure up - I don't think he's good enough for you. I don't think he loves you back with the same passion you feel for him. It's not that he doesn't deserve you, I don't know him well enough to judge his character, but I hope for you to find someone who will appreciate you as much as you appreciate them.

A said...

Oh, Amy, you're too good. Here I am, sniffling away at my desk.

That hit HARD. And I needed it. Thanks, kiddo.

Stacey Brandow said...

I agree with amy. And I also know that if I regret one thing from my "dating" experiences it's that I let the guy control my life, or worse yet, my emotions. I wish I would've spoke up sooner, before it got too far. But hindsight is 20/20. I do know that I did in the end take the high road and could feel okay with giving it all I had. I learned from all of those experiences and that's what everyone else had to do too. You will do what's right when you are ready and no one can tell you when that is. We can only listen.

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