Tuesday, January 16, 2007

-5.5

I just got home from my hockey game. It's basically midnight. Have I mentioned how much I dislike 10:00 pm games? This kills me. I'm all wound up (as I am after every hockey game) and I won't be able to fall asleep for another 90 minutes. At the earliest!

I will hate myself in the morning.

This morning, I did not hate myself. This morning I was quite enamored by my presence, especially my presence as it reflected itself on my scale. Five and a half pounds less than the standard 130 that I've maintained since - hmmm - my junior year of college. Probably before.

I haven't truly been trying to lose the weight, but I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't pleased. Every girl likes to feel skinny, even if she knows that she's thin enough already and the numbers that represent her weight are influenced by her muscle mass.

I'm all about this dropping five pounds without trying. And I didn't need to lose it. And I knew that.

Still (and I can't imagine this ever changing), never a day goes by - before or after the magical disappearing five pounds NOT the crucial, nagging five pounds - where my weight doesn't cross my mind. Every time I walk into a kitchen, see a tempting television commercial, pour myself a cup of coffee, or linger on a food blog, I'm quietly reminding myself. Don't. Can't.

That's a sad thing. It feels incredibly one dimensional.

I wish I knew its source.

It makes me want to give birth only to boy children.

3 comments:

Laurie said...

It is sad that our society is so dominated by weight issues. Even skinny people dwell on it daily. That is just not healthy. I'm just not sure there is much we can do about it.

Shelley said...

Hey, found your blog through Chloe's Virginity Monologues. I'm a midwestern girl myself. Took a little searching but found out (I think) that you graduated from Michigan... and by that fact alone, I shouldn't like you. :) But you seem interested in sports and have a good taste in music which makes up for being a Wolverine.

You're lucky you have hockey to keep you in shape. I miss being in organized sports. I was disciplined because I HAD to practice every day in HS. My motivation flew out the window when I got to college.

Anyway, I like your blog!

Anonymous said...

Poignant last lines. But regarding the "not even trying..." I HATE YOU! ;-)

 
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