Saturday, November 25, 2006

How to enrage me

1. Tell me that I’m too dumb to go to the college that I ultimately attended and graduated from. In four years. With two majors.
2. Expend major time and effort “helping” me build my career and expand my connections while “covertly” mauling me with “subtle” “suggestions” (read: demands) on what my life and career should consist of.
3. Attempt to land me a job, despite the fact that I just landed my own, because the one that I just got wasn’t good enough.
4. Try to control the rest of your nieces in much the same way.
5. Try to control your sisters/sisters-in-law, too.
6. Suck any sense of self-sufficiency from me when I stay at your house for a job interview.
7. Ask me about my job with “you could do so much better” thick in your voice.
8. Send me an email with the subject line “GOOGLE HIRING IN CHICAGO!” (yes, it was all capitalized) less than a month after Google didn’t hire me.
9. Send me THE SAME FUCKING EMAIL 29 minutes later. What, making me feel like a collosal loser once in an hour wasn’t enough?
10. CALL ME THE NEXT MORNING TO TELL ME THAT YOU SENT ME THE STUPID FUCKING EMAIL AND THAT YOU “HAVE SOME TIPS” TO GIVE ME.
11. Be naïve enough to think that I’m actually going to call you back.
12. Keep pouring the salt in the wound.
13. Keep pointing out the obvious.
14. Continuously make me feel like an underachieving fool.

I don’t like it. I’m hard enough on myself, thanks.

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