Thursday, September 21, 2006

Stalemate

Yesterday, I was emailed a job posting that fit.

It was a position in the field I’m working in, yet geared more towards my degree than the job I currently hold. The job posting piqued my interest. I’ve read through it a few times.

I’ve yet to apply.

The job is in St. Louis.

And, quite frankly, I’m not sure that I want to do this to myself again. The falling in love with the job. The waiting. The interview. The moving anxiety. The sheer fear. The letdown.

These out-of-state jobs. Maybe I should just give up on them. Why apply when I’m clearly too afraid to take them? Why waste my time?

I don’t know why I even entertain the idea that this job will be different. I’ll get it. I’ll take it. I’ll move.

It’s silly. I haven’t changed. If anything, I’m more of a homebody than I was when I was trying for the jobs in Chicago and New York. Colin and I are...well...we’re more than Colin and I were during Chicago (which was civil, despite my hurt feelings) or during New York (which was just starting to get good).

I haven’t.

I haven’t changed.

I’m the same girl who doesn’t know what she wants. Or where she wants it. She dreams big. She doubts herself. And everything around her.

Same girl. Different job to mull over. New city to be afraid of relocating to.

3 comments:

M said...

Apply. St. Louis is a much less intimidating relocation than Chicago or New York. Job searching is incredibly frustrating, but if you just look at the end game hopefully that can get you through it. Good luck!!

Amy said...

I always believe that God will open all the right doors, I just have to step through them. Apply. If it goes nowhere, it goes nowhere. If they'd like to interview, go. If you don't get the job, you're still happy where you are. If you do, you do! Let go and let God. He'll lead.

Anonymous said...

I don't think I have ever commented before but I do read your page just about everyday because you remind me of me. I work in sports, I'm from Michigan and I moved to Orlando right out of college to work in sports. (Fire up Chips! You might now know where I went to college:)) I did not know anyone here, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, I had a boyfriend at the time and I didn't know if I wanted to leave him. But now, I've moved up in the company, I dumped the boyfriend and met my husband and I love living in Florida! If I wouldn't have sent that fax over the day the the job opening ended, I have no idea where I would be today. You have to take chance! I say apply for the job!! Wow, that was a long post for someone that never does it. :)

 
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