Thursday, July 13, 2006


I woke up this morning with a pounding headache. I always wake up with a killer headache the day after I’ve been crying.

Yeah. There were tears yesterday.

I was so close to that job; I wanted it so bad.

And that wasn’t enough.

I got the rug pulled out from under me in grand style.

So I am officially out of options at my current company. There is nowhere for me to move except to another company. I’m out of options for advancement. I need to suck it up and move on.

It blows. Michigan’s economy is in the shitter right now. I doubt, despite my work experience and my fancy-schmancy degree, my ability to find new employment within the state.

Which leads us back to The Great Mystery of the Big Move.

God. I feel like a dog chasing his damn tail.

Didn’t we already go through this? Haven’t we done this, like, 19 times over? Don’t I bitch incessantly about my fear of moving away from the familiar just before I stumble over an inferior, safe opportunity that I jump to take?

Maybe this is different. Hopefully this is different. I had five résumés and cover letters sent by noon today. I have six more on the docket for tomorrow.

All eleven are out of the state.

I’m feeling brave.

Saturday taught me that I don’t have to be restricted to the people already in my life. That I am capable of opening myself up to so many more. That opening myself up doesn’t dilute me – it makes who I am stronger.

And yesterday taught me that even the easy route isn’t guaranteed.

Someday soon, I will learn what it feels like to land a job that I really deserve.


Anonymous said...

"When all hope is gone, move along, move along, just to get you through."

Just keep plugging along. Something you deserve will come your way (I always took that as a threat).

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