Thursday, May 25, 2006

The lame lie

I think I may have an anxiety attack.

This party is too much!

Last night, I spent the entirety of my evening packing up everything I would need for four days, one wedding shower and one anniversary party away from my apartment. Clothes, shoes, cameras, soccer shorts, makeup, dresses, skates, skating dress, skating tights, sunglasses, etc., etc., etc.

My trunk is very full.

I called home last night to check in with the family. That’s when I got really wound up. Dad tells me that Grandma called over and, without counseling me first, told my mom that Meg and I were going to go with her and Grandpa to their boat on Friday.

And help them put up their mast.

Okay. First of all, Grandma, you’re a pathological liar. Couldn’t you come up with something better than that?

Second, Meg and I would never agree to lend our assistance to such a project. Putting up the mast would be an all-day affair marked by my grandpa bitching, constantly, about how we weren’t doing things right.

Last, IT’S SUPPOSED TO THUNDERSTORM TOMORROW. WHY WOULD YOU ERECT A LARGE METAL POLE IN A THUNDERSTORM?

Oy.

There wasn’t any backing out of Grandma’s lie. Meg and I both feigned prior knowledge of the mast mess and I think we convinced Mom that we actually agreed to do this. Hopefully. We don’t need to create any suspicion.

So now Meg and I are stuck at Grandma’s house from approximately 9:00 am until 10:00 pm tomorrow – the length of time that it’d take us to put up the mast on the boat, if we were stupid enough to help with that (we’re not).

And then we’re going to have to come home and come up with some ridiculous stories about how insane and controlling Grandpa is (that part won’t be hard) in relation to putting up the mast (uhhh. Will require “creative thinking.”).

Whatever.

I am not going to get all worked up about this.

I’m not. I won’t. I can’t. Must. Be. Sane.

And then, after my dad tells me about The Lame Lie, I am informed that my cousin Danielle, the actress, is signing the national anthem at the Kittens/Yanks game on Monday.

...the musical she's in begins its Detroit stand next week; her singing the national anthem is part of the promotion, apparently.

So, like, I guess we need to find a lot of tickets and go as a family or whatever. And for some unknown reason, that seems really stressful.

Okay, everything seems stressful.

But that’s my own fault.

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