Saturday, March 18, 2006

Lots to think about

I made it out alive!

And I am overwhelmed.

I am writing this at the airport; eventually, it’ll post it. If I can put together some coherent thoughts. I am having a hard, if not impossible, time summing today up.

I think I need to eat something healthy.

The interview was nice. Somewhat informal, but nice. I quite like the woman who would be my boss. We had lunch. I met the owner. I left. All is done.

There are two other people who would be working in my department and they were both gone for the weekend. And that kind of turns me off. I sort of feel like I got an incomplete picture. I’m also tired and have basically eaten nothing of substance today, which may be coloring my opinion.

They’re down to two. Me and...someone else. Whoever Someone is, she is coming in for an interview sometime early next week. I’ll find out, I assume, sometime soon.

I don’t know if I want the job.

And that’s because I’m scared.

I cried yesterday, on my plane to Chicago. It was too much, thinking that it would be a flight that I could soon be taking frequently, shuffling between my family, my comfort-zone and Chicago, which is amazing and would offer me awesome opportunities, but still isn’t home. And that’s a hard concept for me to swallow.

I didn’t fall head-over-heels in love with the job. If I had, I think that this would be easier. But my fear may not have let me fall in love with the job. It’s so hard to tell. I am terrified to make the wrong decision.

Mostly, I want to cry.

I really, really thought I was ready for this.

And now all I can do is wait and doubt my gut, my qualifications, my interview, my how I feel about the company and what would be best for me.

I might have a very big decision to make.

They might make the decision for me.

I feel sick.

I need to eat something healthy.

I don’t know if I have the job.

I want to cry.


betsy said...

Well? Maybe it is fear that is keeping you from "loving" the job...hopefully you can take some time this weekend to sort through some stuff...and hopefully they will get back to you early next week with good news! (I think you would much rather make the decision rather than them making the decision to go with other candidate). Put on your pretty new coat and think of all the shopping possibilities! =) Have a great weekend!!!

Plantation said...

Personally, I don't think it's fear. First impressions are usually correct. Decisions like these are never easy but they all have plusses and minuses of which you have to weigh them all and make the best informed decision you can and don't look back. One thing's for sure, if it's not this one, don't worry. You'll have plenty more job opportunites.

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