Thursday, February 23, 2006

This is what you need to know about the ladies figure skating event:

Shizuka Arakawa
Hello, goosebumps!

I fucking love this program and I’m so glad she went back to it. Not skated with quite as much expression as I’d have liked, but it was still undoubtedly the best program of the night.

The girl rarely hits a bad position. She also rarely has a dress I truly like. Both true for tonight.

Best part of her victory: she trained in the D with Richard Callaghan for a while.

Sasha Cohen
She’s such a pretty skater. But she has no guts. Her program was so lifeless. It seems she was too nervous to even attempt to sell it. Even her spins were slooooow. I expected more.

Great choice for her LP music. Suited her extremely well.

Her short program dress was gorgeous. Her LP dress was okay.

Was that a Kabbalah red string tied around her wrist?

Irina Slutskaya
So sad for Ira. She isn’t my favorite skater, but I definitely appreciate what she does, how long she has been doing it for and everything that she has had to go through to keep skating. I wanted her to win this. She deserved to go out on top. But she was just so cautious. You can’t win when you’re skating within yourself like that. She deserved to finish above Cohen, I think.

Fumie Suguri
I love her. I hate that her career has been marked by so much struggle. When Suguri is on, her skating is so incredibly beautiful and delicate and effortless.

Lori Nichol is the perfect choreographer for her.

I wish she’d medaled, even if her layback spin sort of sucked.

Joannie Rochette
Her choreography was beautiful. David Wilson, her choreographer, is a master. I didn’t think the music did her any favors, though.

Very pretty pink long program dress. I really love when the underskirt is a different color. I’d wear a sparkly pink dress if I qualified for the Olympics, too.

Kimmie Meissner
She is a pleasant skater and a very, very strong skater, but she doesn’t fire me up. As far as my personal tastes go, I classify her with white chocolate. I know others can’t get enough of her skating, but I’d rather go without.

Emily Hughes
When CBC showed Sarah Hughes in the stands during the short program, clapping like a wild woman for her little sister, I teared up. Can you imagine watching your little sister complete in the Olympics? I bet Sarah is more proud of Emily than she is of herself. And that’s kind of sweet.

To switch gears: you’re on crack if you think that she had any chance at medaling. Not nearly enough exposure in front of international judges. She performed admirably under the pressure of replacing Kwan.

Personally, I don’t think your short and long program dresses should be in the same color family.

Mao Asada: I loved your short program music. I really need to look it up and steal it for a program of my own. Hated the black tights, though. The fullness of the skirt combined with the black tights really ruined your lines. And it sort of made your ass look gigantic.

Carolina Kostner: too much pressure, kiddo. Your handlers should’ve known to tone it down. Not your fault!

Insignificant CBC commentary:
Tim Horton’s is running this commercial flaunting its Timbits hockey, a beginner program that it sponsors in rinks across Canada for the youngest hockey players. The commercial is all of these little 3, 4 and 5-year-olds scooting around the ice and being so fucking cute that my uterus does a spiral sequence.

Not as exquisite as Cohen’s, of course.


betsy said...

Nice recap! I felt bad for Irina too, and loooooved the pink sparkely outfit that the other girl wore. However, I did not like the black tights on some of the skaters, ew.
When are we going to see S.M.W. @ the olympics? =)

Mrs. Architect said...

I appreciate the recap as i wasnt able to watch it myself! I am so disappointed sasha didnt win because I think she is suck an elegant skater and so pretty as well.

I saw the pics though online string???wtf???

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