Thursday, November 10, 2005

Peppermint Patty

Dear Man on the Bike Next to Me at the Gym,

I'm sorry. You were an innocent bystander, minding your own business, huffing, puffing and flinging sweat everywhere (I've never seen anyone do that so well!) and then I had to come in and your nose had to start twitching and...I apologize! I was hoping you wouldn't notice.

From a distance, I look innocent enough. What harm can a short, quiet 16-year-old (I'm actually 23, but we're just going by looks here, pal) do to your workout? Plenty, if she's wearing 3 ounces of IcyHot between her shoulder blades.

Did you actually think that I didn't see those sideways glances?

Yes, I stunk like an Altoid.

No, looking at me every six seconds would not fix the problem.

Yes, it was completely necessary. I overdosed on Celebrex and Ibuprofen. I could barely lift my arms over my head. Relief was nowhere in sight. I needed icy to dull the pain and hot to relax it away and I got it, damnit. So stop staring at me; mind your own business, plug into your circa-1984 Walkman and watch one of the 90 gajillion TVs.

Consider yourself lucky, buddy. Air pollution in the gym can be a lot more offensive than a little minty-fresh on the bikes in the morning.

Which reminds me. I'm not positive I put on deodorant before working out today.

You dodged a bullet, sir. And you have me to thank.


Stace said...

OH MAN THAT STUFF REEKS!! Poor soul!! :)

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