Thursday, August 11, 2005


I’m in a funk. Because Lucy is leaving and I’m working myself to death and 100 other little things, I guess.

I have a ticket to tomorrow night’s Eminem/50 Cent/Lil’ John concert. I want to go, but I’m not.

I’m supposed to go with my sister, my cousin Paul and six others. We have floor tickets; the floor is designated as one monstrous mosh pit. For safety reasons, there are no chairs. I expect it to be wild.

Or the stories to be wild, anyway. It’ll all be second hand.

I’m exhausted. And I remember all too well how tiring the Eminem/50 Cent/Missy Elliott concert I went to in ’03 was. I have a hard enough time making it until 5:00. Midnight – going from wake to work to the concert without time for a breath in between – is essentially out of the question.

I’m bummed out. But I don’t want to be the miserable bitch who just wants to go home. If I’m going to go, I want to have fun. I want to enjoy myself. And, at this point, I don’t think that I can. I’m not acclimated to my new schedule. I’m in 1,000 depressions about Lucy. And it just doesn’t feel right.

I mentioned to my mom that I wasn’t going.

You can let your job run your life, she snapped.
You could leave early for once.
Your work will be there on Monday morning.

And tonight, after my dad asked me what I was doing tomorrow night.

Staying at home, like an old lady.

I hate that. I resent it. I am angry that she thinks that I, at 22, am not capable making decisions in my best interest.

I’m pissed enough at the fact that my life isn’t such that I can do everything that I want to do exactly when I want to do it. I don’t get to the gym as much as I want to. I don’t skate as much as I want to. I can’t sleep as much as I want to. I’m two months late for my six-month checkup and I don’t like it. But my life is what it is and I am doing my best to live it to the maximum.

And maybe that means missing a concert, Mom.

Maybe that means staying at home like an old lady.

Maybe that means making a decision that you wouldn’t.

Sorry. You’ll just have to get over it.


Stace said...

Missing that concert has to hurt more than your letting on.

Get some rest, that's always good.

ropedncr said...

a wise man once said 'you can't always get what you want...' you know the rest. sometimes being a grownup (or at least trying to act like one (i still haven't managed to get in touch with my outer adult) isn't much fun. but do what you have to do. so sorry about lucy.

Plantation said...

I think you said it best in a previous post. It's time to move out on your own now.

Unknown said...

You poor thing... you need the rest MUCH more than you need a concert! Don't worry about what your mom is saying... your job requirements are probably beyond what she realizes. It's tough to explain that to other people.

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