Thursday, June 02, 2005

But if you cross me, I'll hate you, too

Dear Colin,

WHEN YOU DON’T CALL ME FOR FOUR DAYS, IT MAKES ME WANT TO RUN YOU OVER WITH A TRUCK AND/OR A LARGE SUV (but not a Hummer because those, like, really annoy me).

Yes, we might exchange 931 emails per day while we’re at work. But – sorry, assface – emails aren’t calling. Not even close. Emails scream “you’re the only one of my friends who has a real job and can email back and forth with me all the day long.” And, indeed, I am the only one of his friends who has a real job and can email him back and forth all the day long. So that doesn’t count. Because, of course, I am better and more entertaining than doing work. But am I good enough to cut into 10 minutes of playing poker with your friends?

I honestly don’t know.

AND FOR THAT, YOU ARE A BASTARD.

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Dear Bitch Who Writes Horoscopes,

Stop fucking with my head.

I am pissed at Colin and I decided that I would make myself feel better by being undeniably immature and intentionally neglecting to respond to any of his stupid emails.

I had my mind all made up. So, since you’re psychic or a good guesser or whatever you should have already known that TODAY WAS NOT THE DAY to write “if you are quick to respond to someone you are totally attracted to, you can take this relationship to a whole new level.”

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Dear everyone else,

I don’t have you.

So you’ve got that goin’ for you.

3 comments:

betsy said...

Dear A,
I totally have a non-hummer SUV you can borrow.
Horoscopes are a bunch of BS.
And?
Im glad you dont hate us too!
;)

Stace said...

I would totally call you for 10 minutes during a poker game. Does that help?
But I like reading horoscopes AFTER the day so I can verify the stuff they said. :)

Plantation said...

temper, temper.

 
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