Tuesday, May 03, 2005

National Lampoon's Mother's Day Vacation

My mom is capitalizing on her Mother’s Day and is making me (and the rest of the famiglia) go to Chicago this weekend.

After hinting at my disinterest, reciting dramatically long lists that detailed 73 legitimate reasons for me to stay at home and, eventually, flat-out refusing, I have realized that Mom is not hearing me.

On purpose.

Of course. It’s a mom specialty. Smart bitches! Clearly, mothers weren't honored with a holiday just for carrying their children for nine months and being forced to suffer through their children's bullshit for the rest of their lives.

Yeah.

So I’m going to Chicago to see (this is going to be confusing):
1. My aunt, my uncle and my two cousins
2. My cousin
3. My aunt and my uncle
4. A play
5. The inside of my eyelids for long stretches of time.

Elaboration:
1. My aunt, my uncle and their two kids live in Chicago.
2. My cousin is living in Chicago temporarily. She’s an actor; the musical she’s in is in Chicago for a few months. She's not related to my Chicagoan aunt/uncle/cousins, but she lived with them one summer.
3. My aunt and my uncle live 25 minutes from my house. They’re also visiting their daughter, the actress, this weekend.
4. Cousin. Actor. Hello.
5. I’ve given up fighting with my mom because I need an excuse to sleep. Providing Dad doesn’t feel the need to blast the Aerosmith, I will be drooling heavily in the backseat.

I’m excited about:
1. Sleeping
2. Seeing Cousin’s musical
3. Shopping at H&M

Before we leave on Saturday:
1. I sure as fuck better find a Mother’s Day present for The Mom.

The end of this post:
Abrupt, isn't it?

6 comments:

Sarah said...

It's your Mother's Day? We had ours in March. I'd give a right arm to have a little holiday right now - we just had a family buffet.

Have a great time :) I'm sure you will.

M said...

I love H&M. Did you know they're opening one in Cleveland? Quite exciting.

ropedncr said...

oh, sure. come to chicago and don't see me (just as well actually, i've already built up this picture of you that you couldn't possibly match (and besides, meeting people irl is scary. for all i know you could be a predator). have loads of fun (and spend lots of your parents money).

Stace said...

Sounds like you have the trip PLANNED. Which is good, the sleeping part sounds like fun. :)

A said...

ropedncr - I am definitely a predator.

M - SHUT UP! I’ve never even been to Cleveland. Is high time I look into it, I see.

Sarah - Different Mother's Days? Who knew?!

Stace - Well, actually, it's my aunt who has my trip planned. She's emailed out an itinerary. Nut.

Unknown said...

The trip would be worth it for H&M. And just think, when you're with your parents, you get free food. Nice. And serious points for coming on this trip.

I think your presence is enough of a gift. Maybe a small pot of flowers or something would be nice.

It's quite refreshing to know there's another predator like myself out there! Grrr.

 
Blog Template by Delicious Design Studio