Tuesday, April 12, 2005

I know better

Heather’s playing for my indoor soccer team tomorrow night.

I invited her; I couldn’t tell you why.

That’s a complete fabrication, actually. I could tell you why. It’s embarrassing. It’s weak. It’s not who I want to be or what I want to represent. But I will; I’ll tell.

I can’t give up on her.

I just can’t. I know that I should. I know that I’m setting myself for more of the same dishes Heather keeps serving – heaping helpings of hurt and anger and all-you-can-eat bitterness – and I don’t get up from the table.

I invite her to play indoor soccer.

I extend an invitation for her to join my outdoor summer team.

Next I will propose that we move in together and get best friends (I want –st –ends, but will roll over and give it up at any hint of pressure because I am a pushover and was born to be used) tattoos.

I’m a punching bag. Beat the hell out of me. Knock me away. I’ll come swinging back.


Carrie said...

there's nothing wrong in believing in people, and hoping they will be the people you know they can be.

where would this world be if no one believed in anybody?

hang in there, kiddo.... and at the very least--- enjoy playing soccer!!!


Unknown said...

ah, I'm the same way. Who am I kidding?

I think all that can be said is you are a wonderful friend. And Lord knows we all make mistakes... so maybe she will come around!

Kudos to you for giving it a shot!

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