Sunday, April 24, 2005

Fears and memories on a snowy Sunday afternoon

It wasn’t what I expected to do with my Sunday; if I’d known, I would have gone to bed sometime before 4:00 am with a lot less alcohol in my bloodstream.

But it’s something you do.

A childhood friend’s dad died. I found out at 10:00 am and was at the viewing at visitation at 2:30. In between, I skated and I thought (too much) about my own dad’s death.

I should probably point out that my dad hasn’t died yet. But I look at his family history and his health and his lifestyle and it doesn’t add up to a long life. Odd-timed phone calls draw fears of the news of the heart attack that seems absurdly inevitable.

I don’t know why I’m so morbid.

The viewing was held in the same funeral home, in the same room, that my grandma’s funeral was held. The casket was in the same place. The uncomfortable, worn, tear-stained furniture sat in the same configuration.

I’m not sure if it was the memories or the orchids, but I found it awfully hard to breathe.

But it wasn’t about me. It was about Katy and it was about doing the right thing.

I’ll get to that tomorrow. I need some time to turn it over in my head.


Plantation said...

Sorry sweetie. One can't help but think this way going to viewings, wakes, etc. My father meant the world to me. He's been gone nearly 13 years. Damn, I miss him.

Oh, did you say "snowy?" Sheesh, it was 85 and sunny here today...

Sarah said...

Sorry to hear about that.

We don't have wakes here over in England, I don't know whether I'd be able to cope with it.

Sounds like Katy has a good friend in you.

Stace said...

My prayers are with you and the families.

ropedncr said...

when my father died all of his children, grandchildren and great grandchildren were there actually touching him and loving him on his way (we had been warned by a nurse that it was immanent). it was sad and beautiful. the loml and i will pray for katy and her family.

Constance said...

Half-orphaned since 1990. Dad went long and hard. He didn't leave much to miss and he paved the road for the other's that might fall before me. I can thank him for that. I think he's up there with grandma and pa laughing at me now.

Based on his slow demise, I'ld say you'll get fair warning. But who knows?

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