Sunday, February 27, 2005


This is getting ridiculous.

The moment that I make a decision about prioritizing getting a job and the possibility of relocating, the hand of God throws an Escalade-sized wrench into my seemingly flawless, ideal plans.

I decide that I do not want to live to work; I will work to live and I will do it in my home state.

Shit with Jess goes down.

I decide that I need to grow up and get out of the deceitful hole that I had fallen into. I will find a job and I will relocate and I will stop being afraid of the unknown, the world at large, squirrels and the possibility that my dad will not be within driving distance of fixing my fuck-ups.

There’s This Boy and I like him and I can almost muster the self-confidence to believe that something could happen. Finally. I renew my gym membership for six months. Despite major job search anxiety, I look forward to life in this cold, quirky mitten.

My uncle calls. I have a lead on a job that is so related to your internship and to your education that its perfection will make you sob. Send me more résumés and writing clips. But only do it if you’re willing to move. I’m putting my ass out there for you.

I put together my résumé and my portfolio.

And I cry.

Because I don’t want to move. Because I know I can’t waste such a valuable connection. Because I don’t want to live only for work. Because I want a career. Because I don’t want this to be so hard. Because this feels like my only chance.

Because my head knows that it would be for the best and my heart refuses to agree.


girl from florida said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry you're struggling right now... I don't have any advice for you, because this is completely your decision... but I wish you the best of luck & know you have my support (no matter where you are!)

Plantation said...

Wow, isn't this totally awesome? You've got one dear bloggie friend who's smart enough to make her point without saying anything. And you've got another dear bloggie friend who's dumb enough to not know when to shut up. Being the dummie that I am, I'll say this. You're young. You can 'afford' mistakes IF you even make them. Time's on your side. Work isn't your life. Your head and heart will always compete. My head won the battle and I'm sorry it did. Follow your heart and be happy. The money will be there eventually. As GFF said, you know you have my support!

A said...

Telling me what to do or not, I totally love you guys.


Elle said...

I agree 100% with both posts above. Know if you end up in the Dallas/Texas area, you alreay have a support group and friends. :-)

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