Monday, February 07, 2005

From pissed to progress

I've been having problems with my Lutz. It's a silly problem. Small enough that I can still land the jump the majority of the time, but big enough that it's inhibiting my progress.

The stagnancy is annoying.

As a skater, I have found that it’s when the annoyance hits critical levels that you progress.

You reach a point where you’re sick of squeaking out jumps that are acceptable but unremarkable.

You get pissed. And you get motivated.

You realize that your ass is going to smack the ice and you realize that the bruises will fade from purple to blue to green before they completely disappear...two months later.

You understand that falling is progressing.

You take the falls with a grain of salt, a tube of IcyHot and a handful of ibuprofen.

That’s skating.

My annoyance hit critical proportions on Wednesday. I went from unimpressive Lutzes to angry as hell to big, flowing, cleanly landed, textbook Lutzes in 40 minutes. I improved because I was too mad to care how many times I fell and how pathetic I looked. I improved because I wasn’t afraid to get dirty.

I’ve been thinking about – okay, okay – I’ve been lusting over my insta-beautiful Lutz for five days now. And it has started to dawn on me that the only way to accomplish anything significant – not just Lutzes so beautiful that they would bring a tear to Dick Button’s eyes – is to get angry.

My annoyance with myself and with the career that I don’t have is inching close to those critical levels.

My internship ends in April. Until then, I will be stockpiling ice packs and Aleve. Because I’m sick of living so incredibly safe. I can fall a few times. I can brush the ice off of my ass; I can laugh at a bruise and decide that it is the shape of a taxi.

Or the shape of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Or the shape of a camel.

I can get dirty. I can file away the fear. I can choose what is right instead of what is least scary.

I've never been told that success was easily attainable.

That can't be coincidence.


Constance said...

"Success is easily attainable."

Someone had to say it.
If the terms of success are low enough, it could be true.
Real progress is another matter...and you are progressing.

I don't call anything I have to struggle at a success.
I'm not even sure I want to call it progress.
Mostly, I'ld call it darn hard work, maybe worth the effort on a good day or just over and done on a bad day.
Then maybe, success when it comes more easily.

Doesn't that sound like a setting limits handout?
Appeals to my lazy side and my motivator is baulking.
Your blog has me re-thinking so many things...

Plantation said...

Love reading about your new resolve. You're changing before my very eyes.

A said...

Likewise, ancethcal. Your comments always get my gears churning. Thanks for reading, kiddo.

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