Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Tinkle, tinkle, little intern

My poor boss probably thinks that she hired an invalid for an intern. Without a memo marking the occasion, I suspect that we have reached the point in our working relationship where she thinks nothing of me or of my work and keeps me around as an act of goodwill to make her feel less guilty about neglecting to donate money to any charity other than The Carrie Foundation.

With as often as I dash out of our office to pee, I cannot imagine her not thinking there was something wrong seriously with me.

For the record, however, there isn’t anything wrong with me. My momma said so. And she is a Professional Smart Medical Lady With Many Letters After Her Name. She knows this shit. And this urine.

From the moment that I walk into my basement dungeon until the second I am freed, I drink green tea as consistently as an IV would drip. As a result of the green tea gushing through my system, I go to the bathroom approximately 17 times every workday. My bathroom sprints would probably be irritating if they weren’t a result of my beloved green tea and an excuse to get away from my desk and the microwave caked with four years worth of Lean Cuisine that encroaches on both my little bubble of personal space and my sense of smell.

In February, I’m accompanying the president, founder and beneficiary of The Carrie Foundation on a 12-hour road trip for a marketing promotion that, on the Excite O’ Meter, pales in comparison to my bustling kidneys. On the off chance that she doesn’t already despise us, I guarantee that she’s going to hate me and my urinary tract by the fourteenth bathroom break.

Which should come about three hours into our trip.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You better hope there is a bathroom at ever corner in your road trip like there is a Tim Hortons at every street corner in Canada, or you may be looking at a dash to the bushes or a tinkle tinkle in the car =P I hope neither happens. Good luck!

Darcy

Plantation said...

A and Darcy, you 2 are quite a pair. I was thinking, "I wonder how they know each other? I suppose I should know." Right before I clicked the comment button, I saw the word 'Darcy' out of the corner of my eye. So Darcy blogs? Oh man, now I gotta trudge on over there and check it out. U Can't Finish (UCF), huh? A, if you ever visit D, Dinner's at Christini's or Charley's or wherever you guys want to go is on me. I could use a good laugh.

A said...

Dear Plantation,

I plan to charm the entire state of Florida via my blog. Then I'll visit. And then I'll take over. My reign probably won't last long; I hate hot weather.

Plantation said...

Dearest A,

So I have to wait until you charm the ENTIRE state before I can see you? No fair!

 
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