Friday, January 07, 2005

Process of elimination

I don’t know why I am so relationship...uh...challenged. Yes. Relationship challenged. That’s probably the best way to put it.

I’m moderately certain that I’m not horribly, horribly painful to look at. And I’m not mean. I’m not stupid. I’m not intimidating. I’m just me. And apparently that some combination of the elements that are me – slightly silly, figure skater, good-humored, English major, athletic, curly-headed, independent, short, pushover and naïve, among many other things – makes me undesirable in some way. A faulty recipe, if you will.

That’s all I can figure, anyway.

But that isn’t to say that I don’t try to dumb down my situation. That I don’t try to assign the blame to one trait. Because I definitely do. Frequently, in fact.

Today, I wondered if my problem was my willingness. As a friend, and even more so as a googly-eyed, I-have-such-a-huge-crush-on-you girl, I’m pretty much willing to do anything for anyone who I care about.

I’m that person who will run an errand, send a congratulations card, bake cookies, spend too much on a birthday present, clip magazine articles on things/people of interest and drive too far for a friend. I never made a conscious decision to be The Girl Who Will Bend Over Backwards. It just happened.

Likewise, I never made a conscious decision to be The Girl Who Has A Crush On You Who Will Bend Over Backwards. I just got this way.

A few of the many things I’ve done for boys have been weak in the knees for:

Scored tickets for the most important hockey game of the year
Given away Vicodin
Baked cookies/brownies/lemon bars/German Chocolate cake
Shuttled to/from airport
Forked over money for college football pool
Contributed cash for boss’s gift
Ignored a wandering eye while taking exams

What I’ve gotten out of the things I’ve done for the boys I’m weak in the knees for:
Well. Nothing, really. Time together, occasionally. And a topic to blog about.

I’m not sure what to make of it.

Does being The Girl Who Has A Crush On You Who Will Bend Over Backwards make me The Girl Never To Date?

Or is it that being The Girl Who Plays Soccer makes me The Girl Never To Date?

Or The Girl With Strawberry Blonde Hair?

Or The Girl Who Loves To Eat?

Logically, it has to be the sum of my parts.

The problem must be The Girl Who Is Me.


juxtaposer said...

No, boys are just crazy. You need to be dating one for them to like you. And then they like you in hordes. And then you break their hearts. Or something like that. But boys are definitely crazy. And English majors rock.

Robert_M said...

Any guy who wouldn't want to date you is missing out IMHO.

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