Wednesday, January 19, 2005

My next trick: losing my mind

I have been on edge all. fucking. day.

I could chew a hole through my cheek.

I feel like a bird in a glass box. I can see the open sky and every time I try to fly into it, I hit the invisible barrier so hard that I knock myself out, falling onto my fat ass in a mushroom cloud of my own feathers.

I’m frustrated.

Possible causes of my irritation:

1. Internship discrepancies
Kevin gets weekends off. I have to show up at the office at 7:30 every Sunday morning. Where. Is. The. Justice?

2. Hyperactivity
On Wednesday mornings, I skate for two hours and take a kickboxing class. Due to the phenomenon that is People Forgetting How to Drive in the Snow Even Though it Snows Weekly, I couldn’t get to the gym in time for the start of class. ...or for the end of class. Is the extra energy what made it impossible for me to sit down and watch Oprah?

3. My father’s incessant chatter about the size of the baked potato he had at Morton’s last night, rhetoric he predictably breaks out in every time he goes to Morton’s (which is way more frequent than his amazement would lead one to believe)
“How big was that potato, Dad? I seem to have forgotten since you last told me, 37 seconds ago.”

4. Beginning post-internship job search
Don’t know what I’m going to do. Don’t know where I’m to find it. Don’t know where I’m going to do it. Don’t know how I’m going to survive the suffocation of uncertainty for three months.

5. Food frustration
Skip meals. Cannot let myself enjoy food. Somehow end up ingesting handfuls of peanut M&Ms anyway.

6. The Da Vinci Code
Okay. Someone please explain the hype. With the title of Last Person in America to Read The Da Vinci Code, I think that I deserve to know. Because I’m disappointed.

7. Aforementioned People Forgetting How to Drive in the Snow Even Though it Snows Weekly
You assholes. Under no circumstance should I have to drive so slow that I can simultaneously paint my nails a lovely shade of Beat (commonly known, by those who aren’t L’Oreal colorists, as burgundy).

8. Max
I know that you have cancer and everything, bro, but I don’t particularly enjoy running into the yard, screaming and wielding a tennis racquet, to stop you from eating your own shit only to have you drop a very juicy niblet with has the consistency of baby shit onto the carpet once you get inside.

9. My shoulders
I had a massage on Monday. There is no reason for my shoulders to be so tight that they're rubbing against my earlobes all damn day.

1 comments:

Plantation said...

Plantation to the rescue! Uuhhh, that was my intention. Cheer up my cool pal 'A' cuz she's had a frustrating day. I don't want her to go to bed frustrated. I'm usually pretty good at 'the cheer up.' So I typed a huge comment so said blogger would have a nice chuckle, smile and be able to sleep better. I failed. Well, my laptop failed. Just as I was typing 'the end' it shut itself off refusing to turn on. That was 4 hours ago and now she's sleeping. Great. Well 'A,' I guess it's better late than never and perhaps a smile to greet the new day will help avoid the frustration from Wednesday. Hey, I tried :0)

PT's comments:
1. Internship discrepancies
Invite male interest intern over one fine Sunday for a little coffee *and* 'dessert.' Perhaps then, justice will be served.

2. Hyperactivity
I had a similar frustrating situation when I lived in Vermont and owned my restaurant. Vermont, home of the bitter cold, snowy weather where Vermonters pride themselves as being tougher than the toughest. Yet, rarely would anyone ever 'brave' the snow and go out to eat. "Ahhh, it's snowing. We'll melt, can't leave the house..."

3. My father
Wish I could helpya on this one, but I'll leave dear ol' dad and his taters to you.

4. Beginning post-internship job search
Work sux. It's an evil necessity, but it is NOT our life. Don't ever make it such unless, of course, you reeealllyy like it. Pls don't let it suffocate you, cuz it is, after all, only work. I still don't know what I'm gonna do, where, & how? Ya see, it's called Chasing the American Dream. Hmm, where have I heard that expression before? So if you decide, in your search, to come down and visit Fla. and/or Darcy, you better call me or you'll be in *real* trouble.

5. Food frustration
Don't skip meals. That's probably worse than ingesting handfuls of peanut M&Ms. (Note, I prefer peanut, too).

6. The Da Vinci Code
Sorry you didn't enjoy the book, but you're not the last American. Haven't read it yet.

7. Aforementioned People Forgetting How to Drive in the Snow Even Though it Snows Weekly
See #2 and tks for the make-up lesson.

8. Max
Hey girl, "Maxie's" getttin on up there and pretty soon you'll be cryin' when he's no longer with you. So enjoy his company while you can, shit or no shit. But that's what dogs do. They eat shit whether they're young or old.

9. My shoulders
Sounds like you need another message. Hmm, shoulders and ear lobes. I'll safely take the 5th before I get myself in further trouble ;-)
10 Inserted by PT
SMILE. After all Scarlett, tomorrow is another day...

 
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