Wednesday, January 19, 2005

I kneed to share this

I play indoor soccer on Wednesday nights in a coed league. My team is mostly horrible.

Tonight, we played against a team with a chubby, but reasonably skilled, goalie. The goalie was relatively short, so I took the initiative to stand in front of him when teammates had the ball on offense – blocking his view of any incoming shots. It worked a couple of times.

And then the opposing team’s defense figured out what I was doing and started roughing me up in front of the net. No problem. I dish it out; I can take it.

But here’s where we ran into trouble.

Their goalie was on the ground, diving for a ball. I was right next to him and the ball was still loose. The defenseman marking me would prefer that I not to get the ball, so he pushes me in the back. I fall forward. My knee lands first.

Right in the goalie’s groin.

And the son of a bitch doesn’t curl up into the fetal position and lose consciousness!

He just got up and played the ball.

I wanted to apologize but THE GUY DIDN’T MAKE A SOUND. What was I supposed to say? “I don’t know if you noticed this or not, man, but I just kneed you in the nuts. Sorry about that.”

Hell no. It is my personal policy not to spark conversation about the testicles of chubby men.

Unless it’s on my blog.

And unless the testicles in question were so sweaty that I had to wipe the perspiration off of my leg.

Which, unfortunately, they were.


Plantation said...

A capper to your most f-squared (frutratingly fucking) day. Can't think of much worse than sweaty fat goalie guy's balls on leg. Eeeww. See below comment on f-squared post. Hope you have a much better day today (Thursday).

Robert_M said...

Nice! you can play on my team anytime.

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