Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Puppy of the Night

Our dog, Stevie, is a whore.

Stevie has been a slut since we got him. In our circle, he is known for his bed-hopping behavior; he’ll sleep with anyone who is sleeping. Generally, Stevie starts out a night with my mom before moving into my sister’s bedroom for the duration of nighttime. Around six o’clock the next morning, if nobody is awake, he’ll move back into Mom and Dad’s room. When they get up, he gets in bed with me. When I get up, he’s back in Meg’s room.

He’ll sleep with anyone. Even children. Stevie the Pedophile had no problem cozying up with my seven-year-old cousin Paige the last time she spent the night. The dog just loves himself a warm body to rest his block head on.

Ever since we adopted him, Stevie has spent the bulk of his nights with my sister, Meg. And this is where the problem arises. Meg started college this year. Dogs aren’t allowed in dorms. And Stevie needed someone to keep him warm during the long, cold, lonely nights.

Apparently, I seemed like a willing victim.

Here’s the thing: I don’t actually like having the dog sleep with me. He hogs the bed. There is nothing quite so irritating as sleeping on a sliver of mattress because a skanky dog is stretched out beside you. I’m also not so crazy about having black dog hair all over my bed. And nothing pisses me off like when he wakes me up scratching on the door so the he can get out of my room and prostitute himself to someone else.

But there’s really nothing quite like the tap dancing.

Stevie sleeps facing the wall that my bed is against. He lays flat on his side, his legs stretched out, feet touching the wall.

Stevie must have the most fabulous dreams. In the midst of his dreams, he wakes me up nearly every night. His mouth is twitching, his muscles are contracting and his toes are a’ tappin’.

Judging by the way his feet slap my wall, it’s likely that Stevie is dreaming that he is a Rockette.

Stevie was named after a local sports legend; we probably should’ve called him Savion Glover.

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