Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Lycra Lust

When I open a present I particularly like, my response goes something like this: “Eeeeee! [Fill in name of present here]!”

Four times over the Christmas holiday, I could be heard screaming “Eeeeee! Yoga pants!”

I really like yoga pants. Yoga pants are dress-up sweatpants. They can be worn to the mall without the wearer being labeled as an unshowered soccer mom/white trash. They don’t have tight elastic that cuts into the ankles. They’re great for skating. They can be worn to bed when the wearer is too lazy to change into pajamas. They’re stretchy, thus fantastic for high-velocity eating. They’re comfortable. And I’ve been told my butt looks rather good in them.

When your bootie looks good in something, it is only appropriate to celebrate the gift of more ass-enhancing apparel.

On Christmas morning, Mom and Dad gave me a pair of solid black yoga pants and a pair of solid black yoga capri pants. I shouted with glee.

At Christmas brunch, my aunts combined for a pair of heather gray yoga pants and pair of dark gray yoga pants with a pink stripe down the side. I danced a victory jig.

While putting away Christmas presents last night, I decided that I would celebrate my good fortune by counting the number of pairs of yoga pants I already owned and adding in my four new pair.

Pre-Christmas tally:

8 pairs of solid black yoga pants
3 pairs of black yoga pants with white racing stripes down the legs
3 pairs of navy yoga pants
1 pair of magenta yoga pants that I paid, like, $70 for without realizing that they made my thighs look like they belong rooted to the ground in the Redwood National Forest
1 pair of pink yoga pants that I’ve never worn, even though they’re cute, because I’m afraid to stick out in a crowd
1 pair of heather gray yoga pants
1 pair of dark gray yoga pants

18 + 4 = 22 = mental illness

4 comments:

Robert_M said...

I enjoy your blog also : )

Nice to meet you.

R

Plantation said...

22 pairs of yoga pants and not 1 picture of bootie in black for your loyal audience...boo..

A said...

Hmmm. In addition to four pairs of yoga pants, Baby Girl did did get a new digital camera for Christmas...

Plantation said...

yeah, c'mon girl. let's get this counter of yours spinnin'! Happy Gnu Year...

 
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