Monday, November 22, 2004

The Amazing Masturbating Five-Year-Old

Just before I went to bed last night, Mom smirks in my direction, “do you remember chugging?”

“Yes,” I mumbled. “It hasn’t been that long since you brought it up to me.” I scurry into my bedroom.

When I was a little girl, I had a very special relationship with one of my teddy bears. I called it “chugging.” Dr. Ruth would call it masturbation.

Unfortunate to my pride and the blackmail prowess my parents have over me, I wasn’t exactly bashful when telling Mom and Dad about this oh-so-private activity.

I cannot imagine how hard they laughed.

Fuck. Stupid kid. Should’ve kept my big mouth shut.

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