Saturday, April 18, 2015

If...


  • If I had known that working in a sport would ruin it for me forever, I wouldn't have been so hell-bent on doing it.
  • If I don't get to the grocery store soon, I'm going to have to live on saltine crackers, leftover Easter candy and rice.
  • If I have a little time tomorrow, I am going to start reading The Girl on a Train.
  • If I had known that Brady was such a nervous dog, I would have been less of a nervous person.
  • If I had known how poorly things were going to turn out with The Coach, I probably would have done it all anyway.
  • If everything goes according to plan, I will take a few days off of work at the end of May to help my mom after her knee-replacement surgery.
  • If I find a little time, I'm going to stain my kitchen cabinets. 
  • If I knew how to help my cousin Danielle, who is bipolar, I would do it. 
  • If I know what's good for me, I will let someone else coordinate this year's Mother's Day brunch. 
  • If I had cable television, I would never get anything done.
  • If my hat is any indication, I am going to win my fortune at the Kentucky Derby.
  • If I don't wash my hair soon, I will have dreadlocks.
  • If I get my way, I will be going to Russia in 2018.
  • If I'm being perfectly honest, I would admit that I cringe every time Alexander texts me.
  • If I collected all of the Brady hair that I vacuum up over the course of a week, I could make a life-sized replica Brady statue. 
  • If I don't get back to running soon, I very well may forget how. 

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Sunshine

The weather here in the southeastern part of the mitten is finally decent and, my goodness, the difference it makes. I am walking around positively giddy simply because I don't need to wear my winter coat. And don't even get me started on the joy that I feel when I leave work and it isn't dark outside.

I don't know what I'm going to do when the weather really turns. I think one day I am going to be able to wear a dress without tights and I might just explode into a cloud of glitter.

Here is a positive of living in a place that features a season of shitty weather: when the weather is finally not shitty, you feel very joyful. You can't get that feeling living somewhere where the weather is beautiful year-round!

Owning a dog is easier when it's nice out. I mean, I already sort of knew that but it was very obvious last Saturday morning when Brady and I lounged on the deck. I enjoyed a cup of coffee and the book that I was finishing up (Lean In, making me officially the last human on earth to have read it) and he enjoyed the sunshine and the smell of the spring air. It was all a little perfect.

Spring, you're on my good list. 

Monday, April 13, 2015

Doing My Part

When we were kids, my mom would always remind my sister, Meg, and me that our family was a unit that required our participation.

If we were being lazy or giving her flak about making our beds or doing the dishes or putting away our clean clothes, she would always feed us the same line. No yelling. No threats. Just this: "these are the things you do when you're part of a family," she would tell us. "Don't you want to be part of our family?"

It was seriously annoying at the time.

And now that I get it, it's seriously annoying in its own way. You know, the Mom's always right way.

Things with my grandpa have really started to go downhill fast. It seems like everything that could go wrong, lately, is. My mom is the only one of their children in the area (not counting my uncle who quit the family); everything is falling on her.

Correction: everything is falling on us. My immediate family.

My mom absolutely does the bulk of the work, but we are all very aware that helping is not optional.

Yesterday, as my dad and I rushed out the door to put out my grandpa's latest fire, I promised my mom that this was all okay. That we didn't mind. That she could sit this one out.

"This is what you have to do when you're part of a family," I told her.

And it's the damn truth.

Friday, April 10, 2015

A List

Things I would do if I was less scared or didn't need to sleep, a list

Complete that blog update/redesign that I committed to at Thanksgiving
Cut my hair into a bob
Quit Facebook
Learn to be more approachable
Run a marathon
Take a creative writing class
Care a little less
Dye my hair something other than this-used-to-be-my-natural-color blonde
Be more assertive
Watch Downton Abbey
Try out a really time-intensive, commitment-heavy diet
Write something worth publishing 
Remove the people from my life who need removing
Get passionately involved in a cause that I really believe in
Look people in the eye more
Accept less mediocrity
Really give learning to golf a go
Quit my gym
Install a backsplash in my kitchen
Always have a perfect manicure
Knit something that isn't a scarf
Unpack the boxes that have been neglected since I moved 9 months ago

You?

Wednesday, April 08, 2015

Spending Time

I am averaging one trip to the gym every week. I have taken exactly zero yoga classes this year despite it being a resolution.

Nothing about this arrangement is okay with me. I feel pretty awful pretty regularly.

I just don't have the time.

Not any time to spend outside of my house and away from my sweet nervous dog, anyway. 

(Things will get a little better once I get Brady all trained up and able to stay alone for, like, 60 whole minutes. We're making slow progress.)

(Things will also get a little better once I'm through an unexpected transition at work.) 

And if I feel like I don't have time to do something that I actually like and want to do, well, who knows when I will get back to eHarmonizing. Which I tried for the first time last fall and basically hated every second of while also feeling like, yeah, this is something I should be doing even though I don't want to do it.

It's like going to the dentist.

Except that you only have to go to the dentist twice a year and you have to log in a check your online dating website of choice, like, twice a day and instead of getting toothbrush at the end of an appointment you get your soul bludgeoned with stupidity.  

I wish this was easier for me.

I wish I enjoyed it.

Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Countdown

Look what came in the mail today!


Derby tickets!


Dress: purchased.


Flowers: on hand.


Hat: en route.



Derby: less than four weeks away.

Monday, April 06, 2015

Self-censorship

One of my favorite parts about blogging is that I am writing publicly, not in a notebook that I keep stashed under my bed, and that keeps me accountable.

Not that I think you guys are hanging on my every word or anything, but I wouldn't want to just disappear one day -- whereas any journal that I have ever kept is abandoned after a few weeks, only to be revisited in moments of extreme drama. Not that there is anything wrong with that type of cathartic journaling, but isn't exactly an accurate representation of my life.  

One of my least favorite parts about blogging is that I am writing publicly, not in a notebook that I keep stashed under my bed.

The longer I do this, the more times I am reminded that that a blog is not anonymous the hard and awkward way, the harder writing becomes. Especially since I don't like to tell just my own stories. I have written so much about my sister, my friends and my cousins because they are important to me. The volume I have written in the past makes it hard (and, to be honest, makes it feel a little wrong/disingenuous) not to update you guys on all of the funny/exciting/sad/monumental/interesting/trainwreck/notable things going on in their lives that aren't directly connected to me.

But this is my blog and my story, not theirs, and I am trying to respect that and remember that even though I want to tell you all about my sister's professional successes and post 94 pictures of Lucy's toddlers. Unless it's directly about me, I am attempting to bite my tongue.

Or, more accurately: halt my typing fingers.
 
Blog Template by Delicious Design Studio